Black Women : You are Pregnant and He Wants DNA Tests

Destee

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Peace and Blessings Sisters,

I was wondering ... if you were pregnant ... married or not ... and you told "the Father of your unborn child" ... that "yall" were expecting a baby ... and he immediately (or eventually) asked for DNA tests, proving that fact ... what would be your response?

Would you offer to pay for the tests, easing his fears and concerns?

Would you welcome him to pay for it?

Would you be happy, angry, sad, understanding, or ready to stab him?

What would be your response, and why?

You don't gotta pick those above ... they're just examples ... :)

Is there a "right way" for a Brother to ask for DNA tests? If so, how?

Brothers ... of course you all are welcome to share your thoughts too ... :)

Thanks in advance Family ... :grouphug:

:heart:

Destee
 

Zulile

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Jun 24, 2007
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I would not hesitate - and I wouldn't be mad about it. In fact, I believe it should be a standard procedure - I believe it should be compulsory for all babies born out of wedlock, to protect the legal rights of the child should the couples relationship dissolve. If my relationship was steady and a baby welcome, I'd wait until the baby is born - if not, I'd go for in-utero (CVS) testing which can be done during the second trimester (but more $$) - and I'd pay for it if he refused, because I'd expect child support to start at birth and my cost will be reimbursed. ;)

Paternity Fraud is at an all time high, and the TRUTH is only one person can be 100% sure of the child's paternity. One of the first things ppl do when they hear about being pregnant is count back in time to discover where they were at conception :lol:

I would not hesitate to take a test because I'd know the results thus I would not be fearful. I would want my partner to be fully committed as soon as possible without any niggling of doubt. I think it is his right to be 100% sure, and I will not let my personal feelings rob the man of a simple truth, which he may need. On bad days, I dont want him to be looking at the baby trying to find his families features in it :lol: I also think that by hesitating to agree, one is simply adding fuel to the fire and raises only more doubt.

I imagine many women would feel as if their morals and integrity are being questioned - but most of us would be lying if we did not question our partners (even silently) at one point or another. I would not want any unhealthy, sub-conscious thoughts to hinder the development of what should be a wondrous bonding of father and child - no matter how small.

Again, paternity fraud is on the rise - fathers being held legally responsible for children they have been misled into believing are theirs. I think fathers should have the right to ask for paternity testing. We often speak about fathers and their responsibilities, but when it comes to rights they are often getting the short end of the stick - rights and responsibilities should go hand in hand.

Regarding the costs - Paternity testing can be pretty cheap these days.. can be done for around $100.


that's my $0.02
:heart:
 

phynxofkemet

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Jan 11, 2008
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It depends

on the circumstances; if the child was a "surprise" from an intermittent affair, then yes I would have no problem with allowing the test; and both parties could split the cost.

On the other hand, in my personal situation we had planned the pregnancy, I told him when I was fertile to conceive and we went for it. In the years we were together I had no indiscretions or other indications of an outside lover, so had he turned and asked me for a DNA test I would have felt well.... :flamet: no need to go there really.... :em2300:

If a couple is married or have been together, and the wife is loyal, I see no reason to ask for a DNA test, it's rather an insinuation in many respects.

However, I also will be raising a boy child, and I want him to protect himself by first not having unprotected sex, especially with a womban he hasn't made any commitments to, and secondly knowing which responsibilities are his and handling them. So, I can empathsize with the need for these services as well.

How do you go about asking? I think it's a topic that ought to be brought up in a neutral zone, with a planned approach, and definately in person. However, pregnancy hormones may be quite volatile, so I might consider a place where you have privacy and offers some discretion should she become emotional.

It's kind of like a pre-nup, is there ever really a great way to ask someone for it?
 

Zulile

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Yes - the easiest way to ask is: to understand & agree on the process BEFORE it gets that far :lol: In a sexual relationship both parties should know how the other feels about potential pregnancies and it should be re-discussed in line with how the relationship develops. The whole "what if" conversation should include talk about paternity testing.
 
Feb 26, 2008
856
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If you get down like that

I would not hesitate - and I wouldn't be mad about it. In fact, I believe it should be a standard procedure - I believe it should be compulsory for all babies born out of wedlock, to protect the legal rights of the child should the couples relationship dissolve. If my relationship was steady and a baby welcome, I'd wait until the baby is born - if not, I'd go for in-utero (CVS) testing which can be done during the second trimester (but more $$) - and I'd pay for it if he refused, because I'd expect child support to start at birth and my cost will be reimbursed. ;)

Paternity Fraud is at an all time high, and the TRUTH is only one person can be 100% sure of the child's paternity. One of the first things ppl do when they hear about being pregnant is count back in time to discover where they were at conception :lol:

I would not hesitate to take a test because I'd know the results thus I would not be fearful. I would want my partner to be fully committed as soon as possible without any niggling of doubt. I think it is his right to be 100% sure, and I will not let my personal feelings rob the man of a simple truth, which he may need. On bad days, I dont want him to be looking at the baby trying to find his families features in it :lol: I also think that by hesitating to agree, one is simply adding fuel to the fire and raises only more doubt.

I imagine many women would feel as if their morals and integrity are being questioned - but most of us would be lying if we did not question our partners (even silently) at one point or another. I would not want any unhealthy, sub-conscious thoughts to hinder the development of what should be a wondrous bonding of father and child - no matter how small.

Again, paternity fraud is on the rise - fathers being held legally responsible for children they have been misled into believing are theirs. I think fathers should have the right to ask for paternity testing. We often speak about fathers and their responsibilities, but when it comes to rights they are often getting the short end of the stick - rights and responsibilities should go hand in hand.

Regarding the costs - Paternity testing can be pretty cheap these days.. can be done for around $100.


that's my $0.02
:heart:





Then i get it. Me? I dont. However you make some good points. But are we talking about commitedr elationships here? Cause if we are, then I for one would END it right there. now i am speaking from a brothers standpoint. If my Women even has to ask.... then someone else is firing the gun. :) Also, I have never had to and would never have to ask. I choose real careful.
 

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