Black Short Stories : Willy Beam's Joys of Dating: This Week... Staty Bar | Dúbb'l yoo T


Active Member
Mar 24, 2007
You want all the details on what Fam? Mans date..?? What, Right now?! Can't it wait until you pick me up Fam??!!! No??!!!

OK…Fam, chicks hairstyle was so confusing, man thought he was on the 'Krypton Factor' trying to workout one of them word puzzles. And after a bit of time man finally worked it out Fam - read it back and it said "HELP ME, I LOOK A STATE!" I win, give me my money!!

Of course man didn't say it to her face, it was what I was thinking innit?!And it was bad enough that this Facebook chick didn't even look like her picture! Showing mans pictures of her on the profile, and telling me that it’s her hair, then turning up with one 'Pick 'n' Mix' excuse of a hairstyle Fam!

Fam, I know you would have bounced, but man was on a mission ya get me?!

No Fam, that was just the nut shell version of the night, get me? It all started when man sent Ms FB to the bar to go get the drinks so man could one, see what she was working with in them paint on shiny black leggings, and two, get her horse hair out of mans face!

Fam, I watched as she walked and the body was like POW! She had a slight limp, and one calf looked bigger than the other, but it was nothing, get me Fam? But she weren’t saying anything Fam. Nah Fam, her body was overly banging, get me? But this Ms FB chick might as well have been flicking mans vows and consonants, like she wanted man to create the conversation myself, get me?

Anyway, so man turns back around, draws for my phone (about to send you mans an update innit?), next thing man knew, Ms FB is back in my face Fam, spitting full words and sentences at me from no where - rapid fire, snapping her neck and fingers like break dance just evolved over night Fam! Everyone was watching her lay into man, poking me in the head, like I did her something Fam, it was crazy!

Two-Two’s Ms FB ORDERS me to go handle HER business because one dude is calling her a 'Ho'.... Why? I don’t know Fam! All man could remember from what she was saying, was… BREAKDANCE "He was trying to buy me a drink" BREAKDANCE, BREAKDANCE "Yeah, so I said no innit" BREAKDANCE, BREAKDANCE "He tried to touch my ***" BREAKDANCE, BREAKDANCE, BREAKDANCE "Unless you’re looking to put a ring on it, Back off, get me?!" BREAKDANCE BREAKDANCE "Cause I'm not on it!!" BREAKDANCE, BREAKDANCE flipping BREAKDANCE Fam!

What did I do? What do you think I did Fam?! Man looked over his shoulder to see this dude... Fam, when I asked for an 'Incredible hulk' didn't she realise it was a drink?!! I'm 5"6 Fam, what am I really going to do to this 6"5 dude, get me?!And if that wasn’t enough, the dude was built like his mum was the Yeti and mans dad was the Green Giant Fam! All he needed was a castle in the clouds somewhere with a bean stalk, and man was good to go, ya get me?!

So Ms FB says am I going to let him talk to her like that? Chick wants ME to take this Goliath looking brother out for disrespecting her! ME Fam! Like man changed his name to David after a couple drinks Fam! Shoot, the last time I checked I was Willy Beam, not a have-a-go-hero. I want Fame like the next man, but I've seen 'Crimewatch' Fam, transactions in the bank don't have to be so complicated ya get me!

So man looked back at Ms FB innit, and said "And your point is...?" Na, I'm playing Fam, man said "Which dude was it?" hoping Ms FB didn't mean the Hulk dude, for her to point out who? Yep, the Hulk dude! Now ain’t that a *****?!

What do you think I said to her Fam? Man told her plain and simple "This ain’t sexy, and him grinding my bones won’t be fun, this was meant to be a date, not an adventure!" Then Ms FB started breakdancing with me again Fam! Her head was moving so fast her logic must have slipped out, cause she just picked up her bag and walked away from me Fam!

Follow who? What do you mean, did mans follow her? After she dun breakdanced in my face, in MY ends Fam, like it was nothing?! Are you dumb Fam?! I just sat there and finished my drink, get me? Plus, she probably went to cool down and rest her neck before that whiplash kicked in, get me?! All I know is that it’s the last time that I bring a girl from north over the river get me!

So man was sipping away at his drink, when man hears a 'Bang!' - but I hear you, we're in Brixton, so its nuffin get me. But it was when mans table started to breakdance - shaking like something big had hit the floor - man starts to get shook! So I turned around towards the bar to see a crowd of people making a fuss over something. So man finished of my drink, got up to see wa gwan... and Fam…. the Green Giant was laying there in the middle of it all, out cold on his back!

The bouncers were slapping him - some kicking - to try and wake man up, and eventually ended up just dragging him out the bar by his legs. I was just watching Fam, shocked; then I turned back towards the bar and ordered another drink. Sitting there, sipping away, taking in what I'd seen, and wondering where this Facebook chick wondered off to.

Then my phone goes off Fam. So there’s me thinking it was you looking an update, to see its Ms FB and the text just read "You’re next..."

Why you asking me Fam?! You need to be asking the Green-Incredible-Hulk-Looking-Giant if it was she that knocked his green *** out, but all I know is, I wasn't hanging around to find out! So man kicked out the door, stepped over the now Sleeping Giant and kicked to the car Fam!

And that’s when I called you Fam... you need to come ASAP! The Facebook chick slashed my tires Fam! Yes I know mans in Brixton, but not even a Hackney Crack-head would slash your tires Fam, then write in lipstick on your windscreen "You’re next..." and leave the car radio behind, get me?!

This is one CRAZY chick!I'm parked outside KFC Fam… yeah, I got you a Junior Spesh, if that an incentive then I don’t know what is! See you in a bit, make it quick Fam! Peace...


Lyon King Admin.
Mar 21, 2001
enjoyed this story can't want for more to this one ........


Contextualizer Synthesizer
Nov 2, 2009
theory to application to discussion to percussion
independent thoughtist thinker, context linker
Man, that was funny as hell.. It took me a minute to figure out what you
were doing with POV.. It's in 2nd person, but Willy talks about himself in a mix
of 3rd person and 1st person.. That's what makes it funnier.. it's like the dude
is talking to me and the questions that he answers are like questions that I
asked.. but I didn't.. anyway.. it made me laugh out loud..

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