Black Relationships : Why do they stay....?


Well-Known Member
Amunra, I have a question for you, I have known many people
in a relationship, that suffer through verbal and physical abuse.
I have tried to offer intelligent reasoning to them, about
abandoning this futile companionship. Yet still they persist, that
they are in love, even tho they themselves understand the situation they are in and what they need to do to rectify it. They still continue to stay, I find it unbelievable. Can you shed some light on this self destructive phenomenon?

Epiphany :heart:


Well-Known Member
Aug 17, 2001
under the sun

can I just jump in here and make a comment....

from witnessing this happen to a close family member, I also ask the same question, at least a thousand times....

the social workers I dealt with told me that spousal abuse happens in a cycle...ironically called the honeymoon cycle...

there is the build-up, the physical abuse, the non-communication, the apology and promises from the abuser, the forgiveness, the falling in love again...6 steps...and then it starts all over again...

around 90% of women that have left their abusive spouses will return within a 90 day period of suffer more of the same...their reasons are many and varied...

the sad part is, that no matter how hard you try, you cannot help these women until they are ready to help themselves...denial is so much a part of their lives...

it is easy for an outsider to see the problem...the hard part is getting the abused to admit there is a problem..



Well-Known Member
Feb 15, 2001
Sales Management
I can only say . . .

. . . perhaps it stems froma lack of self-esteem or an intense mothering or fathering attitude that belives it can save the problem individual from this behavior. I have seen it as I am sure you have and it just doesn't make any rational sense. Often those who stay in these relationships feel that they deserve this type of treatment or feel that this is the best they will ever do in life, so, they stay. Others stay because they feel that they have no where to go and in many cases, at least on the surface, it does appear that way. Often when one is far removed from friends, family and society, the feeling comes that there is nowhere else to go and this is the formula for desparation which probably will end in tragedy because when aperson feels they have no way out they will stay until there is no way out or they will find a way out that is not in proportion to their need which is usually killing someone.

Also, there are needy individuals who see this form of abuse as attention, as someone who cares becasue they take the time to abuse them. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it happens. Still, even with all the reading, watching and hearing I've done on this topic I have have no idea of why. It still makes no sense to me. It always seemed that if you know that fire burns, then you don't stick your hand in it. If you know that trouble is over here, then we make sure we go over there instead.

Hell, I don't know!




Well-Known Member

Kitana, no problem...I welcome all comments. I certainly understand what you mean, although it doesn't help the frustration of watching it happen and listening to them complain, yet after all the long talk and advice, they return.
I have seen it many times , friends, and sis in laws. I came to the conclusion, not to listen, because I felt it was getting me really upset (I have had many a headaches), when they didn't listen and I was enabling them to sound off, only to release the strength they had to make a decision and cool off. So I chose to not indulge them, I didn't turn my back, but I didn't enable them. In time....within years, after looking ragged and worn, they made the decision to leave. But, you are right, until they believe they have had enough, there is not much someone on the outside looking in can do. I thank you for the read and your comments.

Epiphany :heart:


Well-Known Member

I agree with your theories,
perhaps you can offer an opinion on what type of man has the psyche to
physically abuse a woman, I'd like to hear your comment on that. As far as a man being in this situation, I agree also, I don't know, if I would agree so much with the physical abuse(tho, I believe there is some cases)...I think with men, it is more emotional and verbal abuse. I also have known men like that. Do you think, the reasoning is the same for staying? Thanks Kem, for your read and your opinions. Its greatly appreciated.

Epiphany :heart:
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
R Black Poetry : OK she strut butt and stay up with luck she's a RED BONE and boys kiss her and head home because of her skin tone this boy has a TOYOTA with hype he Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 2
G Health and Wellness : Mississippi Church That Violated Coronavirus "Stay At Home Order" Burned To Ground Black Health and Wellness 0
R Black Poetry : Walk around on the street dizzy have to keep busy my girl name Lizzy stuff in life no doubt double but his duty is to stay out of trouble see a girl “ Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 0
R Black Poetry : Its a pleasure to measure and find the size the treasure is wine and pies write in his ledger the day they met her thing stay wet this is all habit re Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 1
R Black Poetry : Pause on the stats of my rhyme they known to cause cats to be blind so it's best to stay away and su Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 3
Mario William vitale Black Poetry : Peeps Need To Stay Strong!!! (I Cor. 10 vs 13) Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 1
BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Black Poetry : Outlaw: Stay Educated Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 2
Liberty Black Relationships : CAN YOU STAY FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX? Black Relationships 25
Liberty Black Sports : AP sources: Ali's hospital stay could pose serious issues Black Sports 2
R Black Poetry : JD best stay away from me this is hot acid not plastic I drop classics on the tip of your nose it's Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 0
R Black Poetry : My girl's legs stay soft and I start the day off with a smile so that's done with now must come wit Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 0
chuck Black People : How Do You Stay Informed Posters Black People Open Forum 0
R Black Poetry : hey look we got haters that don't write and won't even try just stay behind the scene and be cry bab Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 1
Liberty Black Relationships : Should Couples Marry And/Or Stay Together For The Children? Black Relationships 107
jamesfrmphilly Black People : stay away from name calling..... Black People Open Forum 13
crwn Science and Technology : Leaked NSA Documents Reveal The Best Way To Stay Anonymous Online Science and Technology 1
Leela The Front Porch : **Warning - Stay away from Mexicans and Whites** The Front Porch 1
Destee Jails / Prisons : Pay to Stay Jails and Prisons Law Forum - Prisons - Gun Ownership 4
GodofTomorrow Black People : A Place to Stay (Houston, TX) Black People Open Forum 2
Destee Black People : Needs Your Financial Help to Stay Alive and Grow Black People Open Forum 78
RAPTOR Jails / Prisons : What?!? Private prisons suing states for millions if they don’t stay full Law Forum - Prisons - Gun Ownership 1
Khasm13 eye stay woke Audio Video Web Conferencing 2
CosmicMessenger Audio Video Web Conferencing : Rufus n Chaka Khan - Stay Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
Kemetstry Black Relationships : WHY PEOPLE STAY WITH CHEATERS Black Relationships 7
FINDLOVEINME_RETURNS Black Relationships : Women That Stay In ABUSIVE Relationships(WHY)? Black Relationships 19
MsInterpret Audio Video Web Conferencing : Karyn White - Can I Stay With You - Music Video Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
MsInterpret Audio Video Web Conferencing : Tyrese - STAY - (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO) feat. Taraji P. Henson Audio Video Web Conferencing 1
legit-writer Black Relationships : Being Cheated On but Stay or Go Black Relationships 181
Destee Black People : How do you stay encouraged, when it's dwindling, almost gone? Black People Open Forum 21
I Black People : Stay away from Euro 2012 because you could end up coming back in a coffin Black People Open Forum 2
MS234 Violaters / Violations : Brother MS234 - When Moderators are Moderating Stay Out Of The Way Violators and Violations (Possible Ones) 5
MsVeraisblessed Black Poetry : Stay Strong, Son! Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 7
RAPTOR Audio Video Web Conferencing : Gang Starr - Stay Tuned Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
MsInterpret Audio Video Web Conferencing : : LEDISI (Ft. Jaheim) - STAY TOGETHER Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
S Black Entertainment : Rehearsing Al Green's "Let's Stay Together".. Black Entertainment 9
MsInterpret Audio Video Web Conferencing : : Jodeci - Stay Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
MsInterpret Black Money Business Jobs : Black-Owned Banks Struggling to Stay Out of the Red Black Money Business Jobs 24
B Black Entertainment : Eva Marcille Makes Her Debut on BET in Let's Stay Together Black Entertainment 1
MsInterpret Black People : Would you stay with your spouse if they got a life sentence? Black People Open Forum 25
river Algeria : Algerian Prisoners Asl S. Court to Let Them Stay at Guatanamo Bay Algeria 0
MsInterpret Black Parenting : Should babies stay with mothers who are incarcerated? Black Parenting 14
Destee Higher Standard Required : Rule #12 - When Moderators are Moderating - Stay Out of the Way Our Rules - Higher Standard Required 25
Ankhur Black People : Neocon to stay in power over military this year Black People Open Forum 0
legit-writer Black Relationships : Cheating (Stay or Go) Black Relationships 65
R Black People : Georgia Wants Families of Inmates to Pay For Stay Black People Open Forum 1
S Black Women : POWER Suit or Stay-At-Home MOM? Black Women 11
river Black People : Why Blacks should Stay Out of the Military Black People Open Forum 11
mizjoice Black Poetry : Stay Here Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 7
Destee Can't Stay Logged In Tech Support - Questions - Suggestions 2
M Quiet Poetry Lounge : Scibe to stay alive Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 10
Similar threads

Destee Chat

Latest profile posts

Change the world for the better, take care of it, because you live in it!
If the present Kuzma saw the then Kuzma, he would say: Boy, grit your teeth. In twenty years everything will be wrong!
It is better to be an optimist who knows nothing than to bend over and grow a hump from what is around the problems themselves.
If someone spat on your shoulder, there is hope that he simply did not spit on the one who walked in front of you.
I started working as a journalist in 2016, while studying. At that time I did not have a formal journalism education, but I really wanted to work with texts, so I seized every opportunity.