Black Relationships : What's the Rush

river

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Brothas,

I know the answer to this question but I'd like the young sistas to hear it from you. Talk to us.

I'm talking about men who are in a hurry to get a committment from a woman. Men who need verbal reassurance that the woman is in fact his woman every five minutes. Men who say they need a woman to be ready to do anything for her man and he will do anything for his woman. But somewhere in the back of the woman's mind, beneath feeling flattered and excited about a man who is ready to give her the committment she wants, somewhere in her guts she knows the man does not know enough about her to be declaring undying love. She knows they don't have a history together to support the level of committment he is making. She knows she feels rushed. Rushed to feel love for him, rushed to feel passion for him, rushed to commit, rushed to have sex.

When a man is in a big hurry is this a game they play or is their nose really open?
 

jamesfrmphilly

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Jun 18, 2004
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the fastest way to get into a modern sisters pants is the commitment ploy. i know that very well.
so does everybody else.

you ladies have yourselves all barricaded behind the commitment firewall and cats want to breach it.
ask the cat if he's committed enough to take over your mortgage and car notes.

anything that smells like a fish probably is. :dance:
 

kente417mojo

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Jan 22, 2004
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Well, I've known only a couple of brothas like that and they didn't have very high self-esteem. They jumped at the first woman that showed them some attention. Either that or maybe the guy just digs you. As far as the sex thing, many guys don't want to waste time hanging out with a woman unless sex is on the horizon. If men want to sit and talk, they'll do it with their boys.
 

karmashines

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Feb 26, 2005
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river said:
Brothas,

I know the answer to this question but I'd like the young sistas to hear it from you. Talk to us.

I'm talking about men who are in a hurry to get a committment from a woman. Men who need verbal reassurance that the woman is in fact his woman every five minutes. Men who say they need a woman to be ready to do anything for her man and he will do anything for his woman. But somewhere in the back of the woman's mind, beneath feeling flattered and excited about a man who is ready to give her the committment she wants, somewhere in her guts she knows the man does not know enough about her to be declaring undying love. She knows they don't have a history together to support the level of committment he is making. She knows she feels rushed. Rushed to feel love for him, rushed to feel passion for him, rushed to commit, rushed to have sex.

When a man is in a big hurry is this a game they play or is their nose really open?
How soon is too soon? 6 months? A year? Two years?

And I'm sorry... I have to ask... do you think religion would have any affect on men or women feeling that they need to rush commitments? Other than trying to get sex, (which if the man is not truly into her the relationship won't continue anyway), why would secular, non-religious men feel rushed to commit? It seems like it is always the other way around... women feeling rushed to commit and some men feeling reluctant?
 

river

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karmashines said:
How soon is too soon? 6 months? A year? Two years?

And I'm sorry... I have to ask... do you think religion would have any affect on men or women feeling that they need to rush commitments? Other than trying to get sex, (which if the man is not truly into her the relationship won't continue anyway), why would secular, non-religious men feel rushed to commit? It seems like it is always the other way around... women feeling rushed to commit and some men feeling reluctant?
Traditionally it has been the woman who presses for commitment and I think this is where what Elder James said comes into play. Men who want sex know the fastest way to get it is through commitment so they declare undying love very early in the game--like the third phone call--"I don't know what it is about you but the first time I saw you I just knew--you know how sometimes you can just know something--yea baby, it's been a long time since I've met a woman like you." In other words his collar is tight and the woman has the appeal of being a challenge. He can excercise skills that aren't necessary with Betty Crocler Ready to Spread type women.

What brotha Kente said can be the case also when a man just has low self esteem and the more a woman retreats the harder he pursues as if he has a need for an emotional dominatrix. When a man demands verbal reassurance several times a day and there's just not a sufficient amount of knowledge and time spent together to support the words being spoken and demanded nor is he giving the woman space to develop feelings for him becasue his overwhelming neediness is just not attractive.

I guess either a man or a woman can be in this position. But we all need space. Women traditionally have seen space as the enemy of romantic love when in reality space allows the movement that createes the feeling of falling in love. Love is motion and motion requires space.
 
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