Black Relationships : Talking to a lot of oppostie sex friends if you are in a relationship

legit-writer

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"when in a relationship it just that you and the person you are in a relationship with; no outsiders whatsoever. That means you cutting off all opposite sex connections just to eliminate the what if factor"

Do you agree with this concept or do you disagree and why?
 

Destee

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I think it's a bit extreme and nonsensical ... for the "what if" you think you're eliminating ... will still and forever exist.

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
 

Hildegard von Krone

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"when in a relationship it just that you and the person you are in a relationship with; no outsiders whatsoever. That means you cutting off all opposite sex connections just to eliminate the what if factor"

Do you agree with this concept or do you disagree and why?
But that leaves little room for trust in my opinion so I disagree. Whoever wrote that statement probably got cheat and now suffers from trust problems. Also, when you limit your partner in such a way, it can be very suffocating.

Nobody likes a control freak!
 

Asomfwaa

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In Occidental society, sure. When you are only in a relationship for fun--then of course you can not expect a relationship that can weather 'more fun' storms.

However, in our Original tradition, when our relationships are out of love--we can have as many friends as whatever.

I fall back to Ibn Battuta's observations of West Africa from “Ibn Battuta in Black Africa” as written by Said Hamdun and Noel King:

“My stay at Iwalatan lasted about fifty days; and I was shown honour and entertained by its inhabitants. It is an excessively hot place, and boasts a few small date-palms, in the shade of which they sow watermelons. Its water comes from underground waterbeds at that point, and there is plenty of mutton to be had. The garments of its inhabitants, most of whom belong to the Massufa tribe, are of fine Egyptian fabrics.

Their women are of surpassing beauty, and are shown more respect than the men. The state of affairs amongst these people is indeed extraordinary. Their men show no signs of jealousy whatever; no one claims descent from his father, but on the contrary from his mother’s brother. A person’s heirs are his sister’s sons, not his own sons. This is a thing which I have seen nowhere in the world except among the Indians of Malabar. But those are heathens; these people are Muslims, punctilious in observing the hours of prayer, studying books of law, and memorizing the Koran. Yet their women show no bashfulness before men and do not veil themselves, though they are assiduous in attending the prayers. Any man who wishes to marry one of them may do so, but they do not travel with their husbands, and even if one desired to do so her family would not allow her to go.
The women there have “friends” and “companions” amongst the men outside their own families, and the men in the same way have “companions” amongst the women of other families. A man may go into his house and find his wife entertaining her “companion” but he takes no objection to it. One day at Iwalatan I went into the qadi’s house, after asking his permission to enter, and found with him a young woman of remarkable beauty. When I saw her I was shocked and turned to go out, but she laughed at me, instead of being overcome by shame, and the qadi said to me “Why are you going out? She is my companion.” I was amazed at their conduct, for he was a theologian and a pilgrim [to Mecca] to boot. I was told that he had asked the sultan’s permission to make the pilgrimage that year with his “companion”–whether this one or not I cannot say–but the sultan would not grant it.
. . .
One day I visited Abu Muhammad Yandakan, a man of the Massufa tribe. I found him sitting on a mat, and in the middle of his house was a bed with a canopy. On it was a woman and with her a man, and the two were having a conversation. I said to him: “Who is this woman?” He replied: “She is my wife.” I said: “What is the relationship of the man to her?” He replied: “He is her friend.” I said: “Do you accept this, after you have lived in our country and known the matters of the Holy Law?”
He said to me: “Women’s companionship with men in our country is honorable and takes place in a good way; there is no suspicion about it. They are not like the women in your
country.”
I was astonished at his thoughtless answer and I went away from him and did not visit him after this. Though he invited me many times, I did not respond.”
 

skuderjaymes

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One day I visited Abu Muhammad Yandakan, a man of the Massufa tribe. I found him sitting on a mat, and in the middle of his house was a bed with a canopy. On it was a woman and with her a man, and the two were having a conversation. I said to him: “Who is this woman?” He replied: “She is my wife.” I said: “What is the relationship of the man to her?” He replied: “He is her friend.” I said: “Do you accept this, after you have lived in our country and known the matters of the Holy Law?”
He said to me: “Women’s companionship with men in our country is honorable and takes place in a good way; there is no suspicion about it. They are not like the women in your
country.”
I was astonished at his thoughtless answer and I went away from him and did not visit him after this. Though he invited me many times, I did not respond.”
thank you for sharing that.. It's always interesting to learn how other societies handle these same dynamics.. it would be even more interesting to find out how those customs developed through their history...

on a sidenote.. let me ask you... What was thoughtless about his comments? If you really take a look at it, he should actually be the one that was offended by your implication of their being any dishonor between his wife and her male friend. His response appears to me to be a mature, thoughtful rebuttal to your implied statement. He was even gracious enough to relate his comments to american women in general, even though your implied comments were specifically aimed at his own wife.
 
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