Black Relationships : Sustaining A Marriage Is Very Difficult Today... I Wonder Why?


Well-Known Member
May 26, 2019
Can it be that marriages simply just aren't :console: working anymore. It has been a pretty simple concept, etc. Men & Women fall in:flirt: love, commit themselves to a marriage, and share their lives together, etc. Our great grandparents did it, our grandparents followed suit, and for many of us, our parents did it as well. Well now... Why the hell can't this now generation? Is it because they are some how just not equipped to handle marriage? Most people one meets today are either divorced, separated, and has a ex. etc. Now as to not get things twisted, I fully understand that some folks are still getting married, etc. My question lies with the [Longevity], etc. part. Why today are men and women finding problems, aka: difficulties, etc., sustaining their marriage commitments, etc.? Look, to a great many people, marriage is sacred, it is the most beautiful sacrament and has tremendous promise for those fortunate enough to experience it. The question is, "exactly how does that couple make it last?" One thing is for sure, they must be mature enough to face life's challenges that come with such a commitment. Yet, many men and women are choosing to remain:yaay: single much longer, etc. Whutchu think..


Well-Known Member
Jan 28, 2001
the near north
This comes from someone who's working on his third marriage:

Although the primary reason for marriage has not changed--love--the reasons for staying together has. Marriage requires work...daily work. A good marriage requires daily devotion to someone other than yourself. Most of us aren't willing to put in the work. Longevity requires someone you can work with, to accomplish your goals; like-mindedness in how you see your future; honesty and respect, in how you treat each other and how you carry yourself; open and honest communication...without secrets. These are necessary if you are to have your mate's back.

All too often, people marry without getting to know their mate. They're quick to say, "I know all I need to know." But, they don't. They know the sex is good; they know their mate is pleasing to their eye. However, beyond the name, the work location, and where they live, they don't know very much. What are their hobbies, their favorite foods, do they want children? More basic things: Am I willing to accept their faults? Can I live with their snoring...their arguments...their pettiness? You may think it's not important, but if you're mate's method of communication when to scream at you and treat you like a child...that grows old very fast. He/She will let you know this long before marriage, but you have to pay attention to the signs.

Also, many do not have an understanding of what marriage is...what it means. Yes, it means you're joined together...but to what end? Does it mean she's responsible for the housework...and he's responsible for the outside work? Does it mean everything is shared...the work and the pleasure? Does it mean his money is her money and vice-versa? Too many don't know their role: Who is the head of the house? You may claim that you're beyond that...but there can't be two CEOs in the same company. Someone has to be the final decision making authority. Yes, it's great when you can both contribute to the final decision...but if you cannot agree, what then? Is that a game changer?

As you might imagine, there is no simple answer to your question. The best advice I can give is to find someone you can laugh with...someone you can work with...someone you're in like with...someone you call a friend, preferably your best friend. If you find such a person, hold on to her/him even if you don't love her/him to begin with; eventually, you will. Once you find that person, make sure that person feels the same way about you. If so, you will grow to have each other's back...because that person will always put you first...and will never let anyone put you down.

Marry for the right reasons. The worst thing you can do is marry only because your mate is good in bed...and you don't want to see him/her with someone else. That doesn't mean you shouldn't marry someone who's good in bed; but that should not be the only reason.

As for today's generation, it's not that they face more challenges than their fore-parents, but today's generation are less they aren't compelled to stay with someone if they have to work at being happy. They have fallen into a concept of "convenience." Once it's no longer convenient, they feel it's time to go...where their fore-parents felt that that was the time to grow...together.

Marriage works when people are willing to put the work in to make it work.


Well-Known Member
Feb 26, 2013
to a great many people, marriage is sacred
This is why marriages don't work anymore. People don't hold them sacred like they used to. It can be tossed in the trash bin like everything else these days, ya know.


Well-Known Member
Jan 28, 2001
the near north
I could say that that's a result of not knowing your mate as well as you should have...and when the unknown pops up--those things you didn't know--that you disagree with, it's easier to step away than to risk further disappointment. ergo, not as invested in the success of the relationship as they thought...or was willing to fight for.

We've become superficial. the moment it's no longer convenient, we're ready to go.

There is no blanket solution for that...unless you believe in the originator of the marriage, and put your faith in Him. That is why our fore-parents were more successful in marriage; their household was deeply rooted in their faith. They married those of similar as not to become unevenly yoked. They obeyed the rules. If we can find our way back to that, the percentages of successful marriages will increase.

Create an account or login to comment

You must be a member in order to leave a comment

Create account

Create an account on our community. It's easy!

Log in

Already have an account? Log in here.

Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
SwagII Black Relationships : Does Marriage involve a contactual right to... Black Relationships 1
C Black People : It Is All A Marriage Black People Open Forum 0
Al D Black People : CHILD MARRIAGE AROUND THE WORLD Black People Open Forum 0
Clyde C Coger Jr Black Relationships : North Carolina couple offers relationship advice after marking 82 years of marriage Black Relationships 0
Perfection Tunisia : In Context Series: Tunisia: Marriage, Divorce, and Foreign Recognition Tunisia 0
A Black Spirituality Religion : Does the old testament contain good advice on how to maintain a marriage/relationship? Black Spirituality / Religion - General Discussion 0
Kemetstry Black Entertainment : JANET JACKSON SPLITS MARRIAGE Black Entertainment 16
sekou kasimu Black People : Nate Parker's Marriage. Black People Open Forum 0
tarhaka bey Black Relationships : Is the institution of Marriage a Ancient African Custom ? Black Relationships 9
AACOOLDRE Brother AACOOLDRE : Egyptian Marriage Ritual in Genesis AACOOLDRE 0
Liberty Black Relationships : Asking a Woman’s Father For Her Hand In Marriage Black Relationships 26
KMeister Black Relationships : Supreme Court Approves Marriage Equality Black Relationships 8
Eno Otu Black Spirituality Religion : So, Islam forces people to marry (marriage is a mandatory part of the religion.) Your...? Black Spirituality / Religion - General Discussion 13
$$RICH$$ Black Relationships : MENDING MARRIAGE (Motivated to love) Black Relationships 5
CosmicMessenger Black Relationships : Why The Cosbys Marriage Lasted 50 Years... Black Relationships 4
BlaqStalley Black Relationships : Marriage: Would you consider a mutual agreement of inviting a 3rd person in your bed Adultery? Black Relationships 56
cherryblossom Black Women : Early and Forced Child Marriage - Causes/Effects Black Women 37
S Black Relationships : Using Same-sex Marriage to build a nation. Black Relationships 15
ellen covington Black Entertainment : Lamars rules of marriage Black Entertainment 16
Clyde C Coger Jr Black Christians : How Christianity gave us gay marriage Christian Study Group 10
Blackbird Black Spirituality Religion : Marriage to Spirits - Vodou Black Spirituality / Religion - General Discussion 52
BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Black Short Stories : Marriage Short Stories - Authors - Writing 0
BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Black Short Stories : The Initiation: Before Marriage Short Stories - Authors - Writing 2
legit-writer Black People : Question About Marriage Black People Open Forum 14
S Black People : "The New Black".. on same-sex marriage and the African American community in Maryland. Black People Open Forum 8
legit-writer Black People : Marriage As a Business Agreement Black People Open Forum 3
MsInterpret Black Relationships : Marriage: Parental Consent? Black Relationships 48
legit-writer Black Relationships : What is Marriage to You? Black Relationships 7
Thelma Jackson-Smith Black Relationships : What can we do to promote marriage? Black Relationships 29
AACOOLDRE Brother AACOOLDRE : Egyptian marriage: from Bes to the best Man AACOOLDRE 1
W Black People : Muhammed Ali and Interracial Marriage Black People Open Forum 32
kusi Black Relationships : Modern Marriage Has Failed Relationships! Pt.2 Black Relationships 0
kusi Black Relationships : Modern Marriage Has Failed Relationships! Black Relationships 10
Clyde C Coger Jr Black People Politics : Black pastors bash NAACP for endorsing gay marriage Black People Politics 133
Mercyless1803 Black People Politics : NAACP backs same sex marriage Black People Politics 18
Heartbeat Black People Politics : President Obama Supports Same Sex Marriage Black People Politics 105
rapunzal24 Black Relationships : New relationship, and no sex before marriage was finally introduced. Black Relationships 48
4KT Black Relationships : Children causes marriage to breakup? Black Relationships 21
Shikamaru Black Money Business Jobs : Marriage license Black Money Business Jobs 0
Black-king Audio Video Web Conferencing : STEPS TO MARRIAGE Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
Black-king Black People : Marriage Rates Declining For Blacks, Less Educated: Study Black People Open Forum 144
Black-king Audio Video Web Conferencing : INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE. Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
OldSoul OldSoul : New Research Shatters Myths and Provides New Hope for Black Love and Marriage OldSoul 4
legit-writer Black Relationships : Extra Marital Affairs Turning Into Marriage Black Relationships 3
Amnat77 Black People : Poll: 46 percent of Mississippi Republicans want interracial marriage ban Black People Open Forum 3
Kemetstry Black Relationships : 4 in 10 Say Marriage Obsolete Black Relationships 51
jamesfrmphilly Black Relationships : black marriage negotiations Black Relationships 2
S Black People : Black Marriage Negotiations Black People Open Forum 0
Kemetstry Black Relationships : Cleric Says No Rape in Marriage? Black Relationships 54
S Law Forum : Marriage in 1930s Georgia Law Forum - Prisons - Gun Ownership 40
Similar threads

Destee Chat

Latest profile posts

Destee wrote on pdiane's profile.
Welcome Home Sister! :love:
pdiane wrote on panafrica's profile.
Hey Destee, thank you for still being here! You are loved!
pdiane wrote on panafrica's profile.
I'm Black on Destee, I feel at home! It's been a while! Soooo in 2004 I married my Senegalese Husband, when I first went to Senegal, I loved, it! The people were hospitable and my husband's family was very kind! Well I've been there many times now, have taken African Americans, well over 150 and it has been an amazing experience!
Free as free can be