Black Relationships : "Shacking up" before marriage

kente417mojo

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Jan 22, 2004
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Hey family. Many of us have lived with someone at one time or another. Many of us are married now. My question is, do you think it is important to "shack up" or live with someone before taking those vows? Some may say that it's not the right thing to do, because living together is something for married people. What are your opinions? Is it advisable to live with someone before marrying them? Do you think it's immoral to do so? Would you ever live with someone without talking about the possibility of marriage? Would you ever live with someone knowing that you never want to get married? What advantages or benefits could you gain from waiting to live with a person or from not waiting? :eeek:
 

daroc

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May 16, 2004
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dats def important- u get a chance 2 c da real person. and see how far ur limits can go- even wit little stuff, like the way someone leaves the bathroom, or dont do this or that. it give u da chance to really c if u can withstand dat person for everything. being wit someone all da time lets u see their truths
 

Queenie

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Feb 9, 2001
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do you think it is important to "shack up" or live with someone before taking those vows?
No, I don't think it's important.

Some may say that it's not the right thing to do, because living together is something for married people. What are your opinions?
Right and wrong are based on an individual's personal value system. It is not a universal concept. I don't look at it in terms of whether it's right or wrong. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it if that's what people want to do. For me, I would prefer to wait because I want more of a permanent arrangement first.

Is it advisable to live with someone before marrying them?
I don't advise anyone who doesn't seek my advice. My opinion about what people do doesn't really matter does it? It's really their choice.

Do you think it's immoral to do so?
No.

Would you ever live with someone without talking about the possibility of marriage?
Yes, but only if we were room mates and nothing more.

Would you ever live with someone knowing that you never want to get married?
Yes. A room mate.

What advantages or benefits could you gain from waiting to live with a person or from not waiting?
Depends on the individuals involved, don't you think? It's not so much the wait, but more about what you do while you wait. If people don't want to wait, then I'm sure they have their reasons that work for them.

Queenie :spinstar:
 

Queenie

going above and beyond
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Feb 9, 2001
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daroc said:
dats def important- u get a chance 2 c da real person. and see how far ur limits can go- even wit little stuff, like the way someone leaves the bathroom, or dont do this or that. it give u da chance to really c if u can withstand dat person for everything. being wit someone all da time lets u see their truths
Don't forget Sister daroc, they can also see your truths! :shades:

Queenie :spinstar:
 

jazzymoonchild

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Apr 5, 2004
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This is a good topic. I lived with my ex-fiancee for about a year. That year was the best thing to happen to me because I was able to discover great truths about him. When someone spends a night with you here and there, you only catch a glimpse of them. Do they shower before they go to bed? Is their room tidy? Do they do the dishes, etc... When you live with someone, you see the good and bad days, and you can observe how you both relate to each other,...with sicknesses, job stresses, or just wanting your space. I promised my daughter, after his tumultuous departure, that I would not have another man live with us. I would have to be married before I do that again. That is just my personal choice. I know I want to be married again eventually, and some people use living together as a crutch to not make a more permanent commitment to each other.
 

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