Black Parenting : Seeking advice from my elders

Liberty

Banned
MEMBER
Aug 28, 2015
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No she had one of my bank cards with a little over 2,000 dollars on it. Told her use it on the girls, anything they need. Call my bank card and she spent $271 on a weave. Lol learned my lesson on that.
But she doesn't have any bills except her cell phone since she stays with her grandmother and her mother as well plus her 21 year old sister. So she doesn't pay rent or utilities at all. Just one cell phone and she collects food stamps under my kids being there. But I do go shopping every week for my kids and take her with us and let them get whatever food they want.[/QUOTE]

From what you've said, your situation sounds quite uncommon. In fact, she sounds like a demon and you sound like a martyr, to me.

But, if she took you to court, she would be granted much more. She wouldn't have to live in one room. You can calculate it yourself. And, it might be awarded retroactively, too. You would have to repay the government for the food stamps she received as well. Hopefully, you have a paper trail of what you have spent.

http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport
 

Destee

destee.com
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Jan 22, 2001
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I have 2 beautiful daughter's who are the age 3 & 5. I love them with all my heart and they know it. Me and their mother have been separated for some time now an I recently was told by her she is pregnant by another man. She currently lives with her grandmother who is on section 8. They stay in a tiny bedroom that she never cleans. I don't really care about her being pregnant but she won't let me take care of my girls and put them in the proper home they need unless I allow her to move in with us. I told her I find it disrespectful to have her living with me while carrying another man's child an even more disrespectful to our daughters since she can't afford to take care of them financially now. She hasn't decided to keep the unborn child yet or get an abortion. This dude is a creep and has a child already he doesn't care for. I just want to raise my princesses into queens but she won't let me if it doesn't involve her in the picture. I offered to get married and put her through college if she got herself together but she always finds an excuse.

What is the purpose behind her actions and what should I do?
Yes,anything my daughter's need I pay for. All she has to do is tell me what they need an I order it and have it shipped or she picks it up at the store. I pay for birthdays and holidays gifts. Still put her name on the presents to make my daughter's happy. She has a part time job, when I offered to put our girls in day care so she would have more time to seek full time employment or just to give my girls a head start, she would say no an it was at no expense to her. Then like my other post, I said I offered to help her with college and pay for it while putting my rn program on hold. She said no.

AfroArab ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :wave:

Thanks for joining us and sharing!

Is it okay if I am honest with you? ... Thanks! :)

Where do I begin? ... :thinking:

I do want to be gentle, as I am glad you joined and shared ... :thinking:

But uhhh raaa ... you need to pay child support ... give up cold hard cash ... not no ... "I buy what they need."

What you are doing is not "child support." That is not financially supporting the daughters you love so much.

You don't get to "get them what they need" ... unless it's after you dun paid child support and feel generous.

You better be glad she aint in the court room right now ... so you might wanna quit make'n so much noise.

Unless you're ready to pay all that's due, the arrears, everything!

Shoot, and when you start paying that child support, you get absolutely no accounting of the money!

If she spends it on a weave, or a dress, or whatever ... it aint yo' business ... just make sure she gets da money.

That's yo' business ... at least it will be ... soon as you take her to court for this foolishness you've posted.

Yeah ... go in the court room talk'n 'bout you want your children, but you aint paid NO CHILD SUPPORT.

See what the judge tells you. Please.

If you're serious about wanting your children, the first question will be, how much child support have you paid?!

You better have a good answer! Child Support = Cold Hard Cash

Not no trip to McDonalds, or a pair of shoes, or a birthday party ... please.

Looks like you try'n to make the chiren's Momma look bad ... and you look good ... and if so, you failed.

And that is what the judge is gonna say, if you cannot tell them how much cold hard cash you have given her.

I hope I wasn't too rough and I do appreciate you sharing here ... but i just gotta keep it real.

One other thing - you can't really love the babies so much, and talk about their Momma.

Their Momma is a part of them. To talk ugly about her, you talk ugly about the children. They internalize such things.

If you love the children, pay their Momma child support without her having to beg for it a slice of bread at a time.

That aint right.

Anyhow.

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee
 

Liberty

Banned
MEMBER
Aug 28, 2015
6,914
1,212
AfroArab ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :wave:

Thanks for joining us and sharing!

Is it okay if I am honest with you? ... Thanks! :)

Where do I begin? ... :thinking:

I do want to be gentle, as I am glad you joined and shared ... :thinking:

But uhhh raaa ... you need to pay child support ... give up cold hard cash ... not no ... "I buy what they need."

What you are doing is not "child support." That is not financially supporting the daughters you love so much.

You don't get to "get them what they need" ... unless it's after you dun paid child support and feel generous.

You better be glad she aint in the court room right now ... so you might wanna quit make'n so much noise.

Unless you're ready to pay all that's due, the arrears, everything!

Shoot, and when you start paying that child support, you get absolutely no accounting of the money!

If she spends it on a weave, or a dress, or whatever ... it aint yo' business ... just make sure she gets da money.

That's yo' business ... at least it will be ... soon as you take her to court for this foolishness you've posted.

Yeah ... go in the court room talk'n 'bout you want your children, but you aint paid NO CHILD SUPPORT.

See what the judge tells you. Please.

If you're serious about wanting your children, the first question will be, how much child support have you paid?!

You better have a good answer! Child Support = Cold Hard Cash

Not no trip to McDonalds, or a pair of shoes, or a birthday party ... please.

Looks like you try'n to make the chiren's Momma look bad ... and you look good ... and if so, you failed.

And that is what the judge is gonna say, if you cannot tell them how much cold hard cash you have given her.

I hope I wasn't too rough and I do appreciate you sharing here ... but i just gotta keep it real.

One other thing - you can't really love the babies so much, and talk about their Momma.

Their Momma is a part of them. To talk ugly about her, you talk ugly about the children. They internalize such things.

If you love the children, pay their Momma child support without her having to beg for it a slice of bread at a time.

That aint right.

Anyhow.

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee
Truth.com
 

Kemetstry

going above and beyond
PREMIUM MEMBER
Feb 19, 2001
27,302
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You really can do nothing until you get your own place. So, here are the facts as you have outlined them:

1. She is a baby factory that has never heard of the pill.

2. She is perfectly happy pretending to be both a woman and mother.

3. Granny goes along with it.

4. You didn't learn your lesson the 1st time.

Possible solution(s):

1. Get your own place

2. It must be in a decent neighborhood

3. Get a family lawyer and fight for custody

4. Plan for daycare when you are at work

5. Get your kids out of the environment

6. Realize that you are a full time daddy and prepare time for shots, doctors visits etc.

7. You might have to only allow mom supervised visits




.
 

chuck

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Aug 9, 2003
13,471
2,160
I don't think that's gonna help me get my kids. I'm not worried about their mother living her own life. Counseling or therapy won't provide anything for my kids or feed them.
Good morning and hello again

But you also did ask for our elders advice etc

Since you rejected it then it would be
more intelligent and wise to also seek advice from your own elder family members too

Good luck to you

And best wishes to all of you here

fyi
 
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