Black Relationships : Pre-Relationship Expectations of Black Men

NyneElementz

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Apr 6, 2006
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Myrtle Beach, SC
Fellas, I would like to ask you a few questions that may be a bit personal. This thread is meant to offer us men a chance to express their core beliefs regarding women and to offer the ladies a chance to inquire about those beliefs to be enlightened and a bit more empowered to be better partners in black relationships.

All I ask is that the dialogue is honest, respectful, and as loving as possible. I think we can all agree that we all want black love to be better and held in higher regard. Here we go.

1 - Name three qualities that a woman must possess if he is interested in dating you and why those qualities are important to you.

2 - What three qualities in a woman would cause you to reject the idea of dating him?

3 - Name three important things you expect to happen in a relationship (marital hopes not included) and why they are important.

4 - Name two ways you can tell a woman is a real woman and how those two things tie into your belief of what a real woman is.

5 - What is your belief about relationships and money? Where did you learn that belief?

6 - What is your belief about sex in relationships? Where did you learn that belief?

7 - What is your idea of a good relationship? Where did you learn that idea?

8 - What is your idea of a good marriage? Where did you learn that idea?

9 - Under what conditions in a relationship would you expect marriage to become an upcoming reality?

10 - What two negative traits would you consider overlooking for the outweighing positive traits or working with a sista to overcome? Why?

11 - What two negative traits do you possess that you want a woman to be able to acept or work with you to overcome? Why?

Finally...

12 - Name two things a woman can do in a relationship and in a marriage to make you feel completely secure in them.

Brothas, I know that your answers will be interesting and I look forward to us giving much insight to our sisters.
 

$$RICH$$

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Interesting.........I'll come back to this because i do look for things in a woman/mate
and they are dear to me when making such choices, honestly there are some things
i will leave unknown for my personal and emotional status.
 

NyneElementz

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Apr 6, 2006
386
338
Myrtle Beach, SC
I'll go first:

1 - Name three qualities that a woman must possess if he is interested in dating you and why those qualities are important to you.

1-Honesty. If I can sense that there is honesty in you, that makes it easier for me to trust you. 2-Unselfishness. A willingness to be open, flexible, reciprocal, and appreciative of simple things is something I deeply appreciate. 3-Flexibility, particularly the lack of will to group me into the same categories that men of your past are cast into. An attitude of hopefulness is attractive, whereas anattitude of prejudgment is not.

2 - What three qualities in a woman would cause you to reject the idea of dating her?

1-Dishonesty. I know that you're trying to make the sale, but honesty will sell you better than a front will. A lie is a clear signal that you cannot be trusted. 2-Selfishness, especially high-maintenance selfishness. I'm working towards a dream, working, and making sacrifices, too, andthe last thing I need is someone trying to build herself up while not caring about tearing me down. 3-Rash Judgment. Not allowing me to start on a clean slateis like telling me that there is a great standard of perfection I must live up to, and I'm not into setting myself up for failure.

3 - Name three important things you expect to happen in a relationship (marital hopes not included) and why they are important.

1-I want us to acknowledge our commitment to each other, so that we can become comfortable with practicing thinking about what is best for our relationship. 2-I want more communication about dreams, hopes, fears, and plans. It opens me as both listener and leader, helping me to know someone I will ask to follow me comepletely one day. 3-I want us to be able to pray together more. A spiritual connection is crucial to me when it comes to making a relationship work.

4 - Name two ways you can tell a woman is a real woman and how those two things tie into your belief of what a real woman is.

1-If we can talk about money in terms of the two of us building a vision as opposed to what I have to give her to keep her happy. Happiness in a relationship, I believe, comes from us achieving our goals. 2-If we can handle conflicts and find agreements in ways that do not jeapordize our relationship. I don't mind disagreeing, but I don't ever want to feel like I no longer have a companion, friend, and love just because of a light disagreement or because of a compromise that we do not really agree on.

5 - What is your belief about relationships and money? Where did you learn that belief?

I believe that relationships should be a mutually beneficial situation where two people create a lifestyle of looking out for the best interest of the unity of the relationship. I learned that belief from The Bible and from six elder black married couples who managed to keep the love and friendship going for 20+ years.

6 - What is your belief about sex in relationships? Where did you learn that belief?

I now believe that sex should wait until marriage. I have experienced how sexual activity corrupts the heart to make it selfish. I believe that God didn't say "sex in marriage only" to ruin or deprive us from all the fun, but to keep us protected from all the heartaches that could be involved. I learned that from the Bible and counseling sessions with my pastor.

7 - What is your idea of a good relationship? Where did you learn that idea?

My idea of a good relationship is the joyful and trust-building practice of looking out for each other's best interests in all areas long before marriage, while building an invincible underlying non-sexual intimate frienship. Learned it from the bible, meditating on Proverbs 17:17 specifically.

8 - What is your idea of a good marriage? Where did you learn that idea?

Marriage is an all-inclusive intimate relationship that strengthens the integrity of the bonds of trust, love, friendship, and the utmost acceptance of a person, while building hopes, dreams, and plans, working toward a united future, a lifestle of loving, sharing, sacrifice, and unityin all things. I learned that from the marriage scriptures in the bible.

9 - Under what conditions in a relationship would you expect marriage to become an upcoming reality?

Marriage would be an expectation upon being secure in a relationship for 5+ years and us going through at least 1 year of successful marriage counseling.

10 - What two negative traits would you consider overlooking for the outweighing positive traits or working with a sista to overcome? Why?

1-weight gain. I would hope that I'm not stressing the sista I love, but if by no fault of her own, she picks up 35 to 75 pounds, I will stand by her - even help her with her weight loss plan. 2-lack of self-confidence. I will always remind her that she can do anything she setsher mind to, that my love won't be easily taken from her or tainted, and that she is important to me.
11 - What two negative traits do you possess that you want a woman to be able to acept or work with you to overcome? Why?

1-Tendancy to overdo imprtant things out of nervosness. I'm a bit of a nerd and when I make a plan, sometimes, I think that it has to go perfectly or it will fail. That tunnel vision trait of mine is annoying but I tend to do it without realizing it. 2-Need for reassurance. I hadn't had a lot of positive reinforcing coming up, but I do everything I can to do whatis best.

Finally...

12 - Name two things a woman can do in a relationship and in a marriage to make you feel completely secure in them.

Relationship:
1-Be a committed prayer partner.
2-Plan trips and major dates together.

Marriage:
1 - Pray together
2 - Plan and work the budget together.
 

Black-king

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Sep 13, 2011
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1 - Name three qualities that a woman must possess if he is interested in dating you and why those qualities are important to you.

!) first She must follow and obey the word of God, second She must love me as she love herself, third see the first 2 .

2 - What three qualities in a woman would cause you to reject the idea of dating her?
She hates the laws of God and don't apply them to her life, that covers the rest of the remaining 2 answers.

3 - Name three important things you expect to happen in a relationship (marital hopes not included) and why they are important.
We are spiritually connected, We are mentally bonded, We are physically attracted to each other.

4 - Name two ways you can tell a woman is a real woman and how those two things tie into your belief of what a real woman is.
The way she reacts when she deals with adversity, the way she interacts with her close friends and parents.

5 - What is your belief about relationships and money? Where did you learn that belief?
Money is a necessity, just a mean to help support the relationship, The Bible 1Ti 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

6 - What is your belief about sex in relationships? Where did you learn that belief?
Sex i s enjoyable and a meaningful. You shouldn't abuse it nor neglect it. The Bible Gen 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: 1Co 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

7 - What is your idea of a good relationship? Where did you learn that idea?
A good relationship is one that is based on love and the laws of God. The Bible.

8 - What is your idea of a good marriage? Where did you learn that idea?
A good marriage is one one that is like Christ and the Church. The Bible eph 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

9 - Under what conditions in a relationship would you expect marriage to become an upcoming reality?
We love each other and we both are in one mind under God.

10 - What two negative traits would you consider overlooking for the outweighing positive traits or working with a sista to overcome? Why?

If it doesn't go against the word of God, I may overlook as long it won't be a trait can potential be destructive ot the relationship.
11 - What two negative traits do you possess that you want a woman to be able to acept or work with you to overcome? Why?
None, all my flaws can be fixed with the word of God not by a woman.

Finally...

12 - Name two things a woman can do in a relationship and in a marriage to make you feel completely secure in them.

Brothas, I know that your answers will be interesting and I look forward to us giving much insight to our sisters.
1) Keep the laws of the Mosh High God.

2) Be true to herself.
 

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