Black Relationships : Need Advice On Dealing With C**kblocking Ex.

Joy

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Sep 15, 2003
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I recently bumped into my ex, the father of my child, at a night club while out with friends. Our relationship ended seven months ago (he just left, saying he wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship) and we can't seem to get along more than a few days at a time. When he gets very angry with me, he calls me a ***** or a ho. He's told me constantly that he no longer wants me, hates me, and that I'm going to be by myself. He loves rubbing my nose in his new relationship (with a woman who has three kids he complains about constantly). He's also been neglecting our daughter emotionally during all this, rarely exercising his visitation. This is the crux of most of our arguments. I'll admit my nagging him about it isn't helping the situation, but I don't want my daughter to feel her daddy doesn't care about her.

At the night club, I basically ignored my ex and tried to enjoy the evening. I was asked to dance by several men and two were interested in getting to know me better. Every time someone approached me or tried to catch my eye, my ex would come over and nuzzle my neck or whisper in my ear. He told me he knew exactly what I was trying to do and that he was going to c*ckblock all evening. I became angry and told him that he had a woman and that I wanted him to leave me alone. He replied that the new woman was not his woman (even though he's living with her) and again called me a *****. He left the club, angry and pissed. So he's expressed to me that he doesn't want me anymore. Why then, would he care whether I have a new man or not? My friends say he wants me back. I say he just doesn't want to see me happy. I really want to get along for our daughter's sake, but it seems like I'm the only one trying and my efforts usually end up in an argument (some of them are my fault). It's very frustrating because when I try to talk to him, he refuses to return my calls or hangs up in my face. How can I mend fences with my ex and what was his motivation for c*ckblocking? Thoughts?
 

Destee

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Hello Joy ... Welcome to the Family! :wave:

Gosh, as i read this i thought ... does she really want advice regarding this situation?!! ... there is so much drama in here! :eeek: ... then as i read, i realized the seriousness, because it is your daughter's father and like it or not ... you're bound together forever.

Gosh Sister, you've got to set some boundaries, some lines he just can't cross. Nuzzling you in a club?!! :nono: as well as a host of other things ... you are encouraging the drama by allowing these lines to be crossed. So of course if he can nuzzle you in a club, he's going to think you are his and is going to get in the way of anyone else being with you ... which makes it available for him whenever he wants it (whenever he tires of who is currently with) ... and of course his being with someone else doesn't matter, you've allowed it not to matter ... because he was allowed to come up to you in a club and nuzzle you, with you knowing that situation existed ... and on top of all of this ... he's your baby's daddy too !!!! :eeek: ... oohhh Lercy ... :) ... now you're torn between doing the right thing, keeping him somewhat happy ... so your daughter can have benefit of her father ... *sigh* ... between a rock and a hard place ... but you know what Sister ... nothing that happens between the 2 of you should affect his relationship with his daughter ... that's on him ... and you can't make him be the man he needs to be ... the man that irregardless of situation or circumstance, will be there for his daughter ... you can't make that happen Sister, as much as i know you'd like to ... that's on him ... so cancel that ... just keep the doors always open to him, for his daughter ... encourage your daughter to love her father irregardless of all things ... and draw the lines between the 2 of you ... so that you can provide for your daughter and live a life as drama free as possible ... it's this kind of drama that takes lives ... folk being jealous, thinking something is theirs, that isn't ... disrespecting, shooting, stabbing ... nawww Sister ... both you and your daughter deserve better than this. You must insist upon it. You must make it happen.

Stay Focused My Sister.

:heart:

Destee
 

Joy

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Sep 15, 2003
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The nuzzling...

…caught me by surprise. He'd do it when my attention was elsewhere. The boundaries were well drawn before this incident. He said he didn't want a relationship, so after my 'mourning' period, I moved on. His actions at the night club came out of nowhere and caught me completely off guard.

I know I have to let him be the man as far as our daughter is concerned, but it really breaks my heart when she asks about her father and I can't tell her where he is or when he's going to call.

I've been lurking here for a month and really enjoy reading all the topics. Thanks for the welcome!
 

Destee

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Jan 22, 2001
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Joy ... glad you finally posted and joined Sister!!! Okay, the boundaries are clear and the nuzzling was a surprise. It's good that you have that taken care of.

Tell me, how old is your baby? If she is real young, it should be easy to answer her questions regarding where her father is. Just tell her that Daddy is at work, or at home, or whatever. Or you could say, i don't know where Daddy is, but i'm sure he'll be calling you soon. Keep her spirits lifted regarding her father, yes, covering for him ... but more importantly, encouraging her to think fondly of her father. Who knows, perhaps somewhere down the road, he may come to himself, and want to be the father he should ... and if he doesn't, you know you did your part to protect your baby, keep her spirits and thoughts positive, and her heart soft when thinking of her father. :)

:heart:

Destee
 

Joy

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Sep 15, 2003
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She is six...

...and seeing her friends and cousins with their fathers usually is what prompts her to asks about hers.
 
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