Black Parenting : IS IT BETTER TO TEACH BLACK YOUTH THAT THEY ARE “VICTIMS” OR THAT THEY CAN OVERCOME?

jamesfrmphilly

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How about this, as long as we keep giving the White people power over us by not accepting any of our own responsibility in the problems we create, we will never get out of the quagmire we are in. Victim mentality never solves problems, all it does is serve to perpetuate itself. King and Malcolm understood this, so did the Black Panther party. They were all actively working to better the community.

You can continue to pursue your very Feminist like rebellion of only following prescribed narratives, and trying to silence opposition. Me, I prefer looking at all of the issues and seeing exactly what things we can change to make things better for us and what things we will have to fight others to stop them from doing to us. I've seen enough of what the generally accepted paradigm has done to our people in this country, and I think perhaps we need to find one that actually works. Perhaps, just perhaps, we need to work on our oppression of each other too while we fight the oppression of the white man. Perhaps we need to work against what the cops are doing to us and what the homicidal in our community are doing (mental health issues, gangs, drugs), because focusing on just one-side of this equation is not solving the problems.
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IFE

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White People Commit the Most Heinous Crimes, So Why Is America Terrified of Black Men?

Underlying much of that subconscious racial bias is the most enduring, corrosive racial stereotype in America: the black-as-criminal mindset. Historian David Levering summarizes it: “Whites commit crimes but blacks are criminals.” While whites can and do commit a great deal of minor and major crimes, the race as a whole is never tainted by those acts.


  1. White People Commit the Most Heinous Crimes, So Why Is America ...
    https://www.alternet.org/books/white-people-commit-most-heinous-crimes-so-why-america-terrified-black-men - 455k - Cached - Similar pages
    May 13, 2014 ... It would never enter my mind to wish that a bad guy not be white, because no matter how sick the crime, other members of the white race are not impugned. Remember Zimmerman's false syllogism? A few blacks committed burglary, Trayvon was black, therefore Trayvon was a criminal. Similar logic is used ...

 

IFE

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Like Many Parts of American Life, Violent Crime Is Still Largely Segregated

From 2012 to 2015, victims and offenders were of the same race in 51 percent of cases of violence. White victims were attacked by white perpetrators in 57 percent of cases, while black victims were attacked by black offenders in 63 percent of cases. Eleven percent of the violent crime committed against black victims was committed by white offenders, while 15 percent of the violent crime against white victims was committed by a black offender.


  1. Like Many Parts of American Life, Violent Crime Is Still Largely ...
    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/violent-crime-black-on-black-white-on-white-crime_us_59e8a84fe4b0d0e4fe6d953b - 660k - Cached - Similar pages
 

IFE

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Black on Black Crime comes with a side of The War on Drugs.

Don't believe the hyped up lies.
All races commit crime.
 

HODEE

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Hello Louise Cosper
Welcome to Destee.
This topic being about Black people playing ( feeling like ) the victim in America and from your postings. You seem to be stating our young people are being taught to be, and play the victim. Am I wrong in that analogy?

"A victim mentality is one where it is always someone else's fault for bad things happening to you. Further than this, it can be an expectation that things will go wrong, because `bad things always happen to me'. A victim blames others for their circumstances - when something happens, they don't take responsibility for their actions."
I have a few questions. Do you have children? I have two and I raised them to take responsibility, for their actions. As well as hole others accountable for theirs. They both finished college and now are working in their filed of study. They now see that there are road blocks to advancement, and a mentality of some departments ( people, managers ) to block your advancement because as stated by my daughter. They don't want to loose someone that knows the position she is in, because it was hard to fill. So she is looking to leave the organization. ( It is about up or out ) as I taught them. If someone keeps you from moving up, in a company. Then seek upward mobility with another. That company not only losses you, they loose a good worker. In my entire life I have never seen a black person not justified in speaking up about an actual wrong. What the argument is, some people violate others constantly and those people don't want to be called out or told that they are wrong or have stepped into someone else's business and should not have.

The man who spoke to those teens and told them to stop smoking stepped into someone else's, business. How they wanted to be, live or otherwise. He probably meant no harm. I know others like him that feel they should go around telling young men and others to pull up their pants, stop this or stop that. This person has been warned for years to stop doing that. She had raised he own properly to be respectful, and many others have as well. Free will and social influence in many cases changes what we teach our children. Many children have become followers instead of leaders. Wanting to fit in, ( go along to get along and be accepted ) and doing what everyone else is doing. I taught mine not to be that kind of victim.

Share any solutions, work you may have done are were involved in. Related to the social ( disrespect ) or victim mentality that is concerning.
There are sixteen questions within this quiz.
Are You Living With a Victim Mentality?
http://www.pammargetson.ca/quizzes_victimmentaltity.asp



Attached is a Quiz / Test listed online that supposed to categorize to the taker weather they are lost within a victim mentality. I took it twice. I scored both times a (-4) negative four. The test criteria is the higher the number above zero I presume you score lets you know you may have some victim mentality issues.

When I blame someone for something against me they did. I blame the correct responsible person, not taking a societal view but the actual person responsible for betraying me, setting me up, cheating me etc... and I let them know it is unacceptable, and will not happen again. I live with my set-backs and make sure they don't happen again especially as bad if they happen to still not pan out. ( All plans will not ripen to fruition ) even well laid plans.

I don't have a victim mentality at all. What I find is some people are good at shifting the blame, back onto the victim in a way. Twisting the issue and truth of what really is taking place or happened.
 

Louise Cosper

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Feb 26, 2018
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You have all posted so many great comments and insights! Thank you!

I want to tell you about a family I deeply respect. They came from a difficult situation with a lot of gang activity, anger and tension between whites and blacks. But, those parents wanted to expand the horizons of their children. They didn't want them to think every part of American was as deeply divided as their community. So, whenever they took a vacation road trip they went out of their community and out of their state. As they traveled, the children observed that things were different in many of the communities they visited.

As these children grew to be adults, they got jobs. The older son became committed to serving God. He was the most consistent in living a responsible life. He was faithful in attending church. He stayed out of trouble. It was not the same with the younger son. The youngest was often in trouble, hanging out with friends that led him into trouble.

My husband and I have spent a lot of time talking to various members of this family and their story is really inspiring. The older son told us that about 12 years ago he was working hard at a job. He had become the union representative for his co-workers, and one day he was sitting at a table with another employee looking at three white men in suits and ties, across the table, when all of a sudden it hit him, "I don't want to be on THIS side of the table, I want to be on THAT side! So, he immediately enrolled in community college. Once there he went on. Today, he has a Masters degree in Computer Science! (Throughout his education process, he worked and utilized any funds that were available to him. His parents sure didn't have the money to help him!) Once he completed his degree, he created a professional looking resume, put it on various jobs sites, and on LinkedIn. He began to get job offers (multiple) and took a good-paying job in NW Arkansas. Today, he has an even better paying job!

But, that's not the end of his story. Once he got settled into his job, he invited his younger brother to live with him. He told his younger brother that he would need to get a job, himself, and that as soon as he was able, the brother would need to get his own place. So, the brother moved in with him, cut his hair, and quickly got a job as a waiter in a restaurant. Within a few months, this brother was promoted to a new position as the manager of that restaurant! In time, he took other, better paying, management positions. Today, he has his own place, a good job, a fiancée, and a child, and he has been getting back in church.

The impact of this family goes on and on! Last year, that older son invited his nephew to come live with him. He gave his nephew the same instructions, "You can stay with me, but you need to get a job, take responsibility for your actions and of the opportunities around you." Well, this smart young man, who had often been in trouble in his community, came to live with his uncle. He got a job and bought a car. His uncle is still helping him work through what he wants to do with his life, but he is making good progress.

The parents who started it all, began by faithfully taking their children to church. They made them do their homework. They taught them to be proud of who they are, work hard and take responsibility for their actions. The parents exposed their sons to the world outside of their community, so they could gain a vision outside their community. Last year, the parents temporarily moved in with their older son, so they could be available to help their younger son with their children. The mother, also, began to mentor young women. Recently, the mother moved back to their original community and is involved in mentoring young women there. As I said, this family is an inspiration to me.
 

Louise Cosper

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Feb 26, 2018
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Hodee,

Thank you for your comments. It sounds like you have done a great job with your children! I've posted a story that I hope will be an inspiration.
Yes, I have two adult daughters. The youngest is currently working on an 15-month accelerated nursing degree, in Texas. The oldest will be a mother in April! Like you, I taught my daughters to be "thinkers," in fact they have become very adept at sharing their opinions. So much so, that they don't always listen very well! I'm finding in our society, and with my daughters, that I can cause people to evaluate their opinions by asking a question, "Why do you think that way about that topic?" or "Why do you feel it's ok to act that way?" This has led to many discussions. Those questions open dialogue. Our society isn't very respectful about listening to differing opinions, or trying to understand why people feel the way they do.

It doesn't matter what color a person is, bad behavior is never good, and we need to bring attention to it, but have to be careful how we do it. Dialogue, instead of angry judgment and attacks, would sure help. Angry judgment and attacks just cause people to dig their heels in, and that never helps.

We need to teach our youth to be proud of who they are. They need know of America's history (the good and bad) and the sacrifices that were made for them to have the opportunities they have today. We need to lift up to them black heroes, throughout our history and today. The road has been hard, but so much progress has been made. And, we need to expose them to places outside our own communities. Every community is not the same, in regard to racial problems.

My view on things has been shaped by the places I've lived. The first 23 years of my life was spent in the California Bay Area (Oakland, San Leandro and Concord). Then, I spent a little time overseas, working with a non-profit. From there I moved to Fort Worth, Texas, spent two years in Ohio, and then back in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. (I was raised by a single mother. We were abandoned by our father when I was 4.)

In Fort Worth, I worked for quite a long time with AT&T. About a third of the employees there, were black. My boss was black, his boss was black, and his boss was black. Recently, I was speaking to a white man about race in America. He told me of an experience he had in Chicago. He said he had just finished meeting with some key (black) employees at a black-owned/founded publishing company (Somehow, he got into a conversation about how much he work expect if he were an executive. He responded with, "$60,000." He was informed by that employee that most of the executives were making $100,000+.) After his meeting, he went to a gas station to fill up his car when he was approached by a black girl who was very pregnant and appeared to be around 13. She asked him for money. He told her that he wouldn't give her money, but he would buy her food. So, he took her to a burger place and bought her 4 burgers. As they talked, she said, "White people make ALL the money." She had been taught a "victim mentality" and had no hope for a better future. Yes, horrible things have been done to blacks in the past, but we can't raise youth to reproduce such a toxic mentality. Today, much still needs to be done to address injustice, but things are so much better than they used to be! Let us help the youth the embrace the past, feel proud of the progress that has been made, and work to make things better by open dialogue and standing up for what's right.

In regard to the job market: When I speak with youth, I stress to them that it is important to choose a field that is growing and will be around a long time: Technology and healthcare come to mind. For most, money is a problem, but there opportunities. I've already posted some opportunities under education: CLEP, community college (some 2 year degrees can earn a lot of money), and work-study colleges.
 
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IFE

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No, it’s never a good idea to teach anyone they are a victim. My parents didn’t teach victimhood. I’m curious, why the title ask a question that the answer is obvious.

I don’t believe parents teach their children to be victims. I think you may be using “victim” in a twisted kinda way. Victims come from many experiences.
After 400 years of slavery and jim crow Blacks are not victims, We are an integral part of this America.
Not victims. I don’t know any parent that teaches their child they are victims. I know too many parents, these days that teach their children nothing, in all races. The first time a child has a racist experience, he’s faced with many questions. How to translate the racist experience in his own mind.
My first racist experience was when I went to my high school counselor In 12th grade and asked her for college recommendations. She laughed so hard as she told me I was not college material. I was 17 and I felt that sharp sting in my heart. She don’t like Black people is what my 17 year old mind thought. So, I don’t like her, and she ugly pale face. I didn’t feel like a victim, I felt empowered. I had faced racism and felt like a winner. I did go on to college thanks to the Black Panthers going to the high schools encouraging us to go to college.The civil rights era. Money was flowing throughout the Black communities.
That’s where Black youth learn about racism. From experience. A parent can’t teach you how that. It’s an experience you have to process for yourself, as a youth.
Our history is not that of victims. We were kidnapped workers without pay.
We’re still owed money.

I raised a son in the 70s. I taught him to be a good person.
To be a good man, honorable, morals, standards. I stressed to my son how much he was loved, by all his family. Love of family.
No victimhood teaching.
That, he would have learn to deal with on his own. And he did.
I agree we must make our children aware of all the education and training available to them. Expecially in the trades, technology, and healthcare.

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