Black Parenting : Irresponsible mothers..

Destee

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We chose each other to be roommates because we were friends. The sex was just because. I've never felt like a victim in that marriage. I can only look back at the marriage in retrospect, since I didn't know he was a drug addict during the marriage. The marriage was a fraud. I do wonder how naive I was to not see so much.
I was a victim for a long time from being attacked with a man hiding in my car. I had to force and teach myself to stop feeling like a victim.
I do give him credit for not ever letting me see him do drugs, and especially for not introducing me to drugs.
He is not a good person.
His older son, by another woman, drove his truck thru his father house. He was full of anger at his father. He told my son, from prison, to stay away from him. He is not a good person. He was never there for him. He didn't show up for him when he was arrested. Never came to court. He served 25 years in prison and his father never came to visit.


Okay ... that was my point ... that you picked him to have sex with.

Many young ladies, myself included, pick men to have sex with that we should not be having sex with.

If I were smarter, wiser, I might have done different ... i suppose ... it's all water under the bridge now.

Who knows, I may have done the exact same thing ... there's no real way of knowing.

All we have is what we did ... the facts ... and anything else is pure conjecture.

Sister IFE ... let me say, with my whole heart, that you are so wonderful ... :grouphug:

Not everyone can take me talking to them as pointed as i've grown to do over the years.

Especially as it relates to anything personal ... OMG ... not everyone can do this ... :flowers:

I am honored to be able to have this discussion with you ... :bowdown:

I admire your willingness to stay in this with me ... :)

Sister Sister Sister ... Thank You Thank You Thank You! ... :love:

Much Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee

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ps ... i am not going to speak on your ex-husband but since you put it out here, it's not good to talk ugly about him ... even no matter what he did ... he is still your Son's Father and due a certain amount of respect even if he never did anything else in his whole life ... you even say that he protected you from the drugs, you never saw them, he never turned you out, none of that ... which would have been do-able considering your naivety ... plus and in closing ... being naive does not make one a victim ... i mean ... you can claim it ... but the key is to learn and not be naive ... the world will always eat the naive alive ... they will just be eaten and dead ... gone from the planet ... and their victim status will mean nothing, if they can lay claim to it ... it's not a free pass ... just say you were naive ... we all have been ... that in and of itself, does not equal victim. If you are a victim due to naivety, then you are a victim of your naivety, not necessarily a victim of the person taking advantage of your naivety ... if you see what i mean? Okay ... you have given me a green light to talk ... but i'm finna stop ... i promise ... Love You! :kiss:

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IFE

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jan 20, 2015
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498
Okay ... that was my point ... that you picked him to have sex with.

Many young ladies, myself included, pick men to have sex with that we should not be having sex with.

If I were smarter, wiser, I might have done different ... i suppose ... it's all water under the bridge now.

Who knows, I may have done the exact same thing ... there's no real way of knowing.

All we have is what we did ... the facts ... and anything else is pure conjecture.

Sister IFE ... let me say, with my whole heart, that you are so wonderful ... :grouphug:

Not everyone can take me talking to them as pointed as i've grown to do over the years.

Especially as it relates to anything personal ... OMG ... not everyone can do this ... :flowers:

I am honored to be able to have this discussion with you ... :bowdown:

I admire your willingness to stay in this with me ... :)

Sister Sister Sister ... Thank You Thank You Thank You! ... :love:

Much Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee

::::
::::

ps ... i am not going to speak on your ex-husband but since you put it out here, it's not good to talk ugly about him ... even no matter what he did ... he is still your Son's Father and due a certain amount of respect even if he never did anything else in his whole life ... you even say that he protected you from the drugs, you never saw them, he never turned you out, none of that ... which would have been do-able considering your naivety ... plus and in closing ... being naive does not make one a victim ... i mean ... you can claim it ... but the key is to learn and not be naive ... the world will always eat the naive alive ... they will just be eaten and dead ... gone from the planet ... and their victim status will mean nothing, if they can lay claim to it ... it's not a free pass ... just say you were naive ... we all have been ... that in and of itself, does not equal victim. If you are a victim due to naivety, then you are a victim of your naivety, not necessarily a victim of the person taking advantage of your naivety ... if you see what i mean? Okay ... you have given me a green light to talk ... but i'm finna stop ... i promise ... Love You! :kiss:

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Thanks for the words in bold. I'll be using them.
victim of your naivety (I like that).
 

Destee

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He's still a drug addict. My son, even as an adult, still visits him occasionally. I asked him why are you visiting him. When he replied "I'm still hoping he will change, Ma. I heard the voice of that little boy waiting for his father to show up. He knows he still an addict. My son has never done hard drugs.
I don't wish for his dad to die. Not really. I agree with the 2 graves anology.
Thanks for the replies.
I don't think I'll be reporting my young friend. She is open to listening. I'll be there for her and the kids. She's not off the hook. She has to kick that man out and take back her home. We need a plan to get him out.


Yes Yes Yes Sister ... see ... i see you as an Inspector Gadget ... coming up with the plan! :)

Yessss ... if you can help her to get rid of that guy, that will be great!

( i'm over here thinking ... okay ... plan a - step a ... :lol: )

It's good that she will listen to you. That shows that she is not as far gone as some may think.

It also means that you have touched her heart and given her to know there may be hope.

That is beautiful. I do hope it works out and please keep us posted.

Even no matter how it ends, i'm confident that you will have done all that you could.

You've already done more than most, more than her own Mother (it seems, by hanging in there with her).

Section 8 is not even available anymore i've heard, if she loses it, she will never get it back.

At least that is how i have heard folk talk about it.

Yes, let your Son long for his Father, visit him, want him, hope for him, all of that.

I think it's a part of the process and whatever the end may be, let him work that out inside of his self.

I know you do. I know you don't discourage him from his Father, else there would be no relationship now.

So much is on the shoulders of Mothers raising children alone, having to keep that line of communication open between children and Fathers ... men that we don't even want to talk with ourselves, yet having to teach the children to keep it open. He is his Father. He may not be a drug addict, may not have taken on the worst of his vices, but he is his Father (just as he is his Mother) and deserves that relationship ... whatever relationship the Father has in him to give him ... it is his. Help him get it. I think it will go a long way in his old years, knowing his Mother helped him love his Father - even if his Father didn't seem too actively involved in the effort.

You're the BEST!!!! ... :love:

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
 

Destee

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Jan 22, 2001
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Sister IFE ... i want to say too ... :look:

I said above ... (i'm over here thinking ... okay ... plan a - step a )

But you are well beyond plan a - step a.

Gurl ... looks like you're at plan zwrvg 'nem - step 782444 - part 34 ... :lol:

You have been living this, laboring with and caring for this young Family.

Lots of work had to go in, to get where you are already, let alone the goal.

You remind me of Sister QueenTswana ... God Bless Her ... did you know Sister Queen?

She had that kind of Spirit and energy too, right in the thick of things, helping others.

Like you, she did it for many too ... i thank God for her and still wonder how she did it.

It's heart-wrenching, time consuming, unpaid work - that you can only do if you care.

Those that would do such are few and far between. I have not seen many.

Thank you for the great example you have given ... :bowdown:


I wanted to correct myself ... because you are well beyond step a plan a ... :weights:

Let me just move out the way ... :) ... :imout: ... :love:

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
 

IFE

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jan 20, 2015
3,041
498
She has gotten a Immediate Temporary Restraining Order against him. Temporary until she goes before a judge. He will be removed from the home. Should already be gone.
Black women don't want to take these type of actions. We hate getting the system involved in our mans life. She tried and it didn't work. She and her children will be fine.
She filed for a 2 year restraining order yesterday.

Thank you Sister Destee for listening and replying. I did talk to her about being nieve(sp). I gave her my NO FEAR talk. She's got 3 kids, 2 girls. You don't got time for fear, you have to protect your kids from this man. Don't be afraid of what he may do.:hug:Big hugs for Sister Destee. I'm thinking how I haven't discussed her situation with anyone in RL. Talking about it here really helped me help her. :blowkiss:
 

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Destee wrote on candeesweet's profile.
Hi Sweetie Pie Honey Bunch!!!! :love: ... it's good to see you! I hope you and yours are all well and staying safe. I Love You! :kiss:
Nahshon wrote on Gracious's profile.
Gracious Queen I hope you do come back to destee...I see last time you were online here was 6 years ago on my birthday...I was probably probably taking a puff on that good 'ol stuff at the time...maybe sitting back sipping Coffee, Tea, or Wine...I just had to go back and read your previous posts.
Moved back to the Borough of my birth...Queens New York...Originally from SouthSide but now I live in Far Rockaway.
Clarity to pursue my mission in 2020
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Hi Brother O! YAAAAAY! Good to see you! Hoping all is well with you and yours! Happy New Year! :heart:
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