Amun-Ra : Intimidated Black Men?

Amun-Ra

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Successful, independent women intimidate men. That is what the popular conception says, especially when it comes to black women. The popular idea is that a strong, successful and independent black woman is too much for black men and scares them away. It is a popular story in Ebony and Essence Magazines but it is nothing more than an urban myth. Black men are not so easily intimidated as to strike a woman from their list simply because she is successful, strong and independent. There is more to the story.

A strong, successful and independent black woman intimidates some black men, but not all, in fact, not even most. Perhaps, we have been listening to the words of only one side too long and have begun to believe it since we have heard it enough times to remember it, but hearing it does not make it true. Black men have no problem with most women and the same is true for black women when it comes to men.

The issue that seems to be lurking in the shadows is relationships. There are women who could not form a lasting relationship if someone else supplied the tools and it has nothing to do with intimidation. It has to do with building relationships. Because a man calls it quits because its too difficult to make the relationship doesn’t mean that he is intimidated. It means that it is too difficult. Relationships can be many things but they shouldn’t be difficult.

Not many people, men or women, are willing to kiss ***, subjugate themselves or lose their dignity to have a relationship. It is much easier to work with someone who has the same interests. Honesty is called for in assessing these strong black females. They are no different from the strong black independent men who are used to getting what they want and controlling their own destinies.

These personalities work fine for getting ahead in the white dominated work world, but when it carries over into interpersonal relationships, the chances for a meaningful relationship suffer as fierce independence leads the suitor to say “it ain’t worth it.” When the idea of “I don’t need a man” to make it in this world becomes a reality, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because most men sense it and won’t waste the time auditioning for a supporting role and the same is true for black women in the same situation.

Has anyone wondered if these strong black, successful a nd independent women are alone because they want to be? Have they asked if they are alone because generally most men can’t stand to put up with them for more than three dates unless a fourth will get a romp in the hay? Have they considered that thir idea of a relationship might seem like a competition in which case the man simply concedes the game and moves onto a new arena.

Truly there aren’t enough eligible black men to go around or are there? Educated black men get married everyday. They have relationships with women everyday. Many are just as well educated and independent as any woman, so why haven’t they moved into this stratified union? Are the stakes too high? Is the demand for material wealth overwhelming the need for emotional expansion?

When it comes to college degrees, black men are sadly lacking compared to black women. Women are advancing in the workplace faster than black men. Black women are making more money than black men. Are they intimidated? No, they are not intimidated. If anything, they are out of place with a woman who says she has no need of him but openly flaunts a loneliness of spirit.

Perhaps, the intimidation is the other way around. Maybe it is the intimidation of becoming vulnerable and open to a real relationship that makes a woman strive to be unapproachable because that way the onus for the failure falls upon the man and his shortcomings, instead of on her shoulders which too weak to carry the lightness of love comfortably without placing it in a hierarchy of needs.

Finally, perhaps these women are single because that’s what they want to be and there is nothing wrong with that. It is wise to remember when we are setting standards for entry that the same standards are being applied to us by the person on the next level. Black men intimidated? Just no time for ********.

Ra


:love:
 

ZeroGravity

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Jul 12, 2002
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I've often wondered ...

where this mentality came from, and I've often wondered where the women who say this are finding men who is "intimidated" by them? As in another thread on the board, a brother met a woman that had "credentials" and could care less about that...but was more interested in the woman herself. The concensus of the male replyers was "bump the status and material things....what substance does she bring to the table?"

Whatever happened to just saying "it didn't work out!" ?
 

Queenie

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Feb 9, 2001
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Deep

Arrogance and pride may be our greatest faults. Whatever happened to humility and compassion? There's something pathological going on between some Black men and some Black women and it's going to destroy us if we don't figure this out and get this right.

"Perhaps, the intimidation is the other way around. Maybe it is the intimidation of becoming vulnerable and open to a real relationship that makes a woman strive to be unapproachable because that way the onus for the failure falls upon the man and his shortcomings, instead of on her shoulders which too weak to carry the lightness of love comfortably without placing it in a hierarchy of needs." This really made me pause and reflect . . .

We need to establish a "Peace Day" and I don't mean in protest of wars between nations. Black men/women need to make peace with each other. We need to take measures to start the healing process to rid ourselves of scars and pain that run long and deep. Maybe a simple: "I'm sorry," and "I love you," :love: can do a lot to bring us closer together. But they must be said with honesty and conviction--not just for a brief moment.

Forget all that crap about how strong we are, how weak we are, how much money we make, how (formally) educated we are, how we look--focusing on that more than who we are to each other, is ruining us. Black men aren't intimidated by Black women and vice versa. We're misguided and confused (IMHO).

Let the words speak and may the truth be known . . .
 

Amun-Ra

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Feb 15, 2001
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I Wid Ya!

It seems there is more to the story than meets the eye--what it is I don't know, but I don't believe the intimidation for a minute--there is something going on--no black man or black woman is going to put up with **** just to have some one whether they are educated, rich or poor and dumb--nobody puts up with attitude, arrogance and self-centeredness.

I think the women who make these claims give themselves way too much credit. It is easy to be difficult and with a little practiced we can become impossible, but that isn't conducive to building a relationship. Relationships are about building together, about using two tools to form one item. Relationships aren't for every body, especially anyone who will only give of themselves on only their own terms--that's a dictatorship.

Ra

:heart:
 
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