Black Relationships : In a Relationship....... Who Should Be the Pursuer

LB2000L

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Aug 6, 2011
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Who should be the pursuer, the man or the woman? I had this discussion with 3 coworkers who are women and we are all in agreement, the man should pursue, the man has to show the woman that he wants to be married to her and he wants the relationship as much as she does. The roles in our society dictate that a man buy the ring, the man does the proposing and the woman either accepts or rejects the proposal. One woman I know was pursuing a man (her ex) who was 10 years older than her for 3 years. She finally met another man who was pursuing her and after dating him for a year, she married him and has been happily married for 2 years. One of my coworker's boyfriend is pursuing her and they will be married in a year. Now there are some successful cases where the woman proposed to the man and the man accepted and they ended up married happily ever after. So is it better to follow traditional roles and let the man pursue or is it better to do what works for each individual?
 

LB2000L

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I guess my view is that if a man really wants a woman, he will do whatever it takes to be with her.
 

baller

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and if a woman wants a man...whose mind may not necessarily be on a relationship at the time--so he hasn't noticed her--should she just walk away from her desire because IT'S THE MAN'S ROLE to pursue the woman?

personally, i've pursued and been pursued. generally, a man likes the chase. it's invigorating. it keeps him on his game--no not the playing game so don't get it twisted. the chase actually helps a man in socializing/communicating with women. it keeps him in tune with language trends...and forces him out of his shell. it keeps him exciting...in relating to the woman. THAT MAY NOT MAKE MUCH SENSE BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS. anyway, yes, i agree that, generally, the man is the pursuer. however, if a woman wants a man...and he hasn't noticed her attempts to make herself available...it's nothing wrong with her stepping up and letting him know that she's interested. it could only be that one statement--that she's interested. then he has the option of accepting or walking away. or, do you feel that that's demeaning for the woman?
 

LB2000L

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Aug 6, 2011
90
39
and if a woman wants a man...whose mind may not necessarily be on a relationship at the time--so he hasn't noticed her--should she just walk away from her desire because IT'S THE MAN'S ROLE to pursue the woman?

personally, i've pursued and been pursued. generally, a man likes the chase. it's invigorating. it keeps him on his game--no not the playing game so don't get it twisted. the chase actually helps a man in socializing/communicating with women. it keeps him in tune with language trends...and forces him out of his shell. it keeps him exciting...in relating to the woman. THAT MAY NOT MAKE MUCH SENSE BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS. anyway, yes, i agree that, generally, the man is the pursuer. however, if a woman wants a man...and he hasn't noticed her attempts to make herself available...it's nothing wrong with her stepping up and letting him know that she's interested. it could only be that one statement--that she's interested. then he has the option of accepting or walking away. or, do you feel that that's demeaning for the woman?

Exactly and if the woman takes over the man's role of pursuer, then he must take the passive role and the man will lose interest because the man is used to "chasing" a woman like you said. No, there is nothing wrong with a woman letting a man know that she is interested. When I talked with my coworkers', one of the women mentioned she heard that a woman who was in a long term relationship with a man for many years took charge and proposed to him and he accepted. Now we all agreed that it was nice that she proposed to him but we would not propose to a man. What would have happened if she didn't propose to him? He may or may not have proposed to her. Now maybe he felt pressured to accept her proposal, maybe he was happy she proposed so he didn't have to but I don't think that is why he waited all these years because as we said before a man who REALLY wants a woman will do whatever it takes to be with her. So she will never know what it feels like for him to propose to her because he genuinely wants to be with her.
 

LB2000L

Well-Known Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Aug 6, 2011
90
39
and if a woman wants a man...whose mind may not necessarily be on a relationship at the time--so he hasn't noticed her--should she just walk away from her desire because IT'S THE MAN'S ROLE to pursue the woman?

personally, i've pursued and been pursued. generally, a man likes the chase. it's invigorating. it keeps him on his game--no not the playing game so don't get it twisted. the chase actually helps a man in socializing/communicating with women. it keeps him in tune with language trends...and forces him out of his shell. it keeps him exciting...in relating to the woman. THAT MAY NOT MAKE MUCH SENSE BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS. anyway, yes, i agree that, generally, the man is the pursuer. however, if a woman wants a man...and he hasn't noticed her attempts to make herself available...it's nothing wrong with her stepping up and letting him know that she's interested. it could only be that one statement--that she's interested. then he has the option of accepting or walking away. or, do you feel that that's demeaning for the woman?

A woman who lets a man know that she is interested is fine, she is subtle and lets him know that she likes football like he does, he knows to invite her to a game so he can get to know her better. But he still is taking charge by asking her. Some women assume the man's role and don't allow the man to do anything. Some women call a man, invite him out, pick him up, pay for dinner, pay for the hotel room and as they get to know him he moves in, the woman pays the rent, the bills, lets him use the car and he stays home. With a woman who does all that, the man has no initiative to do anything because the woman does it all.
 

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