Black Parenting : I'm white and need help with my niece.

Destee

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Heather ... you can't over-rule the child's Mother, even if she's doing krazee stuff. You gotta encourage the baby to love her Mother. Never let the baby hear you saying ugly things about her Mother. Lift the Mother up to the child, help keep the line of communication open between them. Doing this will insure your relationship with both the child and the Mother for years to come. Plus, it's just the right thing to do.

While you're doing the above, continue to love the child as you are obviously already doing.

Just show her love and don't openly undermine her Mother, or you could lose contact with her forever.

Again, thanks for joining us and please make yourself at home.

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee
 

Heather

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Nov 18, 2015
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Thank you Destee. I was crying from this today. I deleted it because I was told it was insulting. I know the situation is messed. Even if I followed guidelines, theres subtle things I don't understand. I get that. Again, to the other two posters here, I'm real sorry.

I really don't say anything bad about her mom. It's why I avoid asking people irl because they know the way she is, and if they think she's messing up her kid, that's real bad. The rest of her family doesn't live in North America. Niece's mom got a sweet job and this is why I babysit 3-4 days a week. I moved closer so I can pick her up from the bus and we help each other. I wasn't trying to paint a bad mother. I've tried talking to her mom privately. She says hurtful things and tells me to stay in my place. I feel like I shouldn't judge how she approaches race issues, but my niece is coming to me looking for acceptance and saying some bad things.

I'm going to look at that website more. I wasn't avoiding that site. I said the forum links were dead, not the entire site.

I definitely keep a positive image with my niece. I want her to see a strong woman she can look up to. So thank you. I'll read up more on the books shared with me.

You'll probably find me reading a lot here. :). I do love her to pieces.
 

Destee

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Well ... i don't know how messed up the situation is.

Everyone's got some burden to bear ... and in the great big picture ... all will probably be well.

Answer the baby's questions as best you can, staying in your place, since the Momma has already warned you.

You risk your relationship with the little girl - if the Mom even thot you were talking about her anywhere.

The fact that you're doing it here, means it is in you to do ... and it might slip out.

So ... let all of that go ... it's not like she's beating the child or mistreating her or anything.

She's entitled to hold whatever world view she'd like ... no matter if you like it or not.

Just love your niece, her Mother, your Brother, and quit feeling like the sky is falling.

Do you have children of your own?

Maybe you can help your niece by getting white folk to stop being racist.

Then, by the time she's an adult - her Mother's point of view might not be so far off.

I guess there's more than one way to skin a cat.

Yeah ... you're probably blowing this out of proportion ... perhaps imagining the horror of being black.

Just love the baby ... as long as the Momma will let you.

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee
 

Destee

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teaching or showing a black child that black is bad IS mistreatment


It's not against the law mistreatment.

It's not actionable ... is what i meant.

It's what parents get to do - raise their children how they want.

Even no matter - the baby is gonna love her Momma no matter what.

If the aunt wants some of that love, she gotta get in where she fits in.

:heart:

Destee
 
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