i missed your initial post, but i think i see where you're coming from. A question: is the mother saying her daughter is white because she don't think her daughter will be accepted by her family...because she's biracial? Or, is she saying her daughter is white because she--the mother--is burying her blackness...and want to be identified as white? Or, is their a third something that's put her on this path?
as Destee said, you cannot undermine the mother to the daughter, however, in understanding where the mother is coming from, you may be able to help the mother regain her center...if...in deed...her center has been lost.
Sorry, I felt like I should delete it.
What's happening is her mom is black, and she is racist towards black people. She denies that racism even exists. She says bad things too. My niece is accepted by both families, to my understanding.
I can't really say why she is this way. If I had to bet, from what I know, she came from a violent country. If I were to guess, I think this is where the racism is coming from. She seems pretty comfortable that she is black, but she doesn't like it in others. It's so hard to wrap my mind around. I don't know if she's trying to bury her blackness... but she is burying it in my niece. I can't speak as to why. I can only speculate, and I feel like it's not something I can address to help her regain her center.
I just listen to my niece. It's like she knows somewhere in her heart/mind that side of her is being suppressed. I can say that with certainty.
I'm not trying to dive in and tell her how to address race. I spend so much time with this little girl, who is comfortable to talk and ask anything, she is giving me red flags. Mom doesn't think there is a problem. It's like I'm talking to a wall. I stopped trying to get her mom to talk about it. And I just let my niece explore when she's with me. Music is really helping, I think. It's a common ground for both of us. She learned how to put on records and we just dance it out. I know her mom doesn't want me to nurture this. I pass it off as just music, but its more than that. I'm being sneaky and I don't know if it's wrong. I'm not trying to undermine their relationship. Not at all. I feel like I don't know what to do because they both want different things.
btw: if any of the words I use are inappropriate, or I say something like a total *******, let me know so I can be better.