Black Relationships : Good Men Don't Meet Good Women

Feb 26, 2008
BallOfConfusion said:
Why can't the good men find the good women. Have you noticed that most women complain about finding a good man, but they keep chasing the same thugs. And men who complain about not finding a good women still end up chasing the loose women. The good men can't find women and vice versa bcus their priorities aren't in the right place.

I say to you that this is a myth. Its how you handle yourself. Yes, I had 1 psychopath, but she was the exception.:nono: IMHO these myths that perpetuate become reality to some. Dont look for too much or demand too little. Also, If you are looking for a soul mate, it most likely will not be there. It happens in all the most unlikely places. And Keita is correct. Example: 2people can rub off on one another. that is not changing someone, it is bringing out something that was always in them.:luv:


Active Member
Apr 27, 2008
BallOfConfusion said:
Why can\'t the good men find the good women. Have you noticed that most women complain about finding a good man, but they keep chasing the same thugs. And men who complain about not finding a good women still end up chasing the loose women. The good men can\'t find women and vice versa bcus their priorities aren\'t in the right place.
i think youre right, we tend to fall into a rutt and arent able to find a way out. i think its the ruggedness and the sense of danger that comes with dating a thugged out guy that intrigues us women, and keeps us coming back for more. the aggression that they show, the i dont care attitude they usually posess, the lack of affection/professing of their feelings may pay a part too. it may also be the \"i can change him\" demeanor that women seem to carry about them.

and men... man, dont get me started. im tired of meeting men that seem to have their stuff together and it turns out they dont. stop faking the funk and be real about it, then we wont have any problems. imo, anyway.


Well-Known Member
Apr 18, 2008
The answer is a rabbitt hole indeed...this seems to be a very bad problem amoung blacks especially...the answer I have come up with, will no doubt piss people off, but it's the truth...

The Men....

The thing about men is that; they are who they are...and they remaini that way, until an Epiphany, or life changing event occurs. Men are very simple logical doesn't take much to keep men happy.

If he is a lying cheat, thug, player...thats who he is...But one thing is for sure; when a man loves it's for real. It may take a lot of time to build trust with a good one. And lot of sistahs don't have time, nor do they understand that process it takes

The Women
They change like the wind, they can love you one year, and hate your guts the next. One thing remains constant with women; money...all women want is money.

They may try to play it off and mask it educated man, a stable man, a secure man, a great provider. The truth is if you've got money, a sistah is willing to endure infidelity & abuse. If you're broke, she doesn't see you and wouldn't tolerate you even looking at her.

Where we screwed up...
The last generation of parents, messed us up by divorcing, and fueling the feminist movement. Our fathers we're pushed out, and conveniently replaced by child support, alimony, and welfare...

Without a man/father in the house, the next generation grew up under single moms. The male model was removed and the effect were and continue to be devastating

Females that come from a single parent home haven't a clue of how a functional family operates, what is the mans role in this equation. Nor does she value it. She strives for independance, so it's hard for her to give up control in a relationship, especially to a man...which mom has programmed in her head that "we don't need no man", and they all ain't no good.

I like to call these women alpha females; because they can function on their own, they are big on control, mostly career women, single moms, and they are quick to let a man know she doesn't need anybody.

Tell me what a real good man is going to go for a bossy, money oriented single mom that doesn't respect his role in the family? Next to none.

So these women tend to settle with beta males, because 2 alphas (Strong MAle), are going to constantly bump heads and clash for power until they grow tired of fighting. Every successful relationship consists of an alpha & beta...see every animal in existance, and also gay people have a catcher, and a pitcher...

Men who are raised without a father figure in the house, does not know or understand his role. A man teaches his child responsibility, his role is to love and protect his family. A man also instills honor and respect for things in his son...institutions women are not familiar with... so what happens when those lessons are skipped...

You get todays players & thugs.

A player only cares about himself, and what he can get who he can manipulate to get it...a female trait. A male trait is to EARN everything you recieve. Players do not respect women, he sees them as a comodity, things to collect and enjoy, sort of like how women may date different men, and she can get what she wants out of them...whether it be help with bills or companionship... it just so happens that players only want one thing from women

A thug has no honor or respect for anything, not even for himself. He expects everything to be given to him, or he'll take it. The basic rules of being a man is filled in by BET, or other negative media depictions of what the black male is not.

Unfortunately young women also watch these depictions, on what the black man is supposed to be, so they tend to look for these types...Which is another reason good men are unattractive...hey don't fit the stereo type.

This causes a shift in the dating game; there are a bunch of people starting relationships based on the wrong things, and the outcome is almost never good.

Good women rather sit back , and date the men that approach her; never once taking into consideration that the men that approach her have a agenda already set for her.

If she could identify a good man, and introduce herself to him, this thread may not exist. If women were picking men based off of honesty dependability, and sincerity, instead of the prospect of money...then we wouldn't have this discussion.

Women are the choosers, they decide who's going to father their children. They make the final decision on whether you can have sex with them or not.

If we were the choosers we would be able to go out, and point at you, and you would go with us no if ands or buts about it.

The good men are invisible it seems; they are at the clubs, they are at the jobs, they are at the gas stations. They are everywhere; but because they don't care about flaunting the prospect of money, most women look past them.

These men want to be the great fathers THEIR fathers were. They want to be great husbands; they don't want to be baby daddy's or step fathers. They want to lead their families into prosperity, grow old with their wives, and watch their children become successful.

The problem is they are shooting in the dark when it comes to women. ALL WOMEN CLAIM THEY ARE GOOD WOMEN. The process of elimination takes time, and it would be a whopper of help if the REAL good women could distinguish themselves from the bad...

But since they all wear the same clothes, say the same things, and stick up for each other, I come to the personal conclusion that "GOOD" woman is a state of mind a woman can be in at any given time.. in other words they are a good woman for their own benefit. How many of these women see the benefit of an honest dependable man vs a rich man...I dare you to lie to yourself

Many women feel as if God will drop a good man in their lap. God has dropped many good men in your lap...but were you ready? Was he YOUR definition of Good? Or Gods definition of good? If you couldn't recognize a good man in your face what does that say about you... YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PERSON...

Do you honestly believe God is going to mess up someone elses life by giving THEM a bad person?

God says "Okay heres a hardworking man with a big heart annnnd a lying balla, which one do you want?"... and of course she goes for the money

So in conclusion, when it comes to good men finding good women, there have to be good women to find. If you are a woman that 25+ with no potential husband in sight, your probably not a good woman...

a message to the good women, these fake good women are making you look bad, you need to stand up, and show us that you exist...

for more advice or comments call me @
(630) 452-0614
or listen to me @ thank you for reading
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