Black Relationships : Girlfriend cheated with white co-worker. Need some advice.

hurtbroken

New Member
MEMBER
Apr 14, 2011
1
1
Hi,

I recently confirmed that my girlfriend has been having an affair (physical and emotional) with a white former co-worker in retaliation for a one-night stand I had with a (black) woman. I had always suspected that my girlfriend had had an affair and confronted her about it late last year. She said that she slept with the co-worker once back in 2006 and regretted it, but that he kept contacting her by phone, email and IM and that she would respond because she liked the attention and because she felt badly about using him. She claims, however, that the relationship remained non-physical after the one time they slept together in 2006. They've been in contact as late as January, when she alerted him to the fact that I had found some of their email and IM exchanges. She claims that they haven't spoken since, but with each telling of the story, events and details change, so I don't know what to believe.

Now, a part of me wants to try and work things out, but another part of me is outraged by the fact that she slept with a white man to get back at me. I've always considered myself an open-minded person, but hearing that she had slept with a white man was hard for to take. I don't know if my reaction is racist or not, but I just can't get past the fact that he is white. While I understand how my earlier infidelity helped to create the situation for her affair, I still find it difficult to understand how my girlfriend could cheat on me with a white man. I have had several opportunities to sleep with white women and never have done so. I would have considered it the ultimate disrespect to cheat on my girlfriend with a white woman. So I don't understand how she could have done what she did, and there are days my emotions range from anger to hatred of her.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and can offer some advice on how to handle this situation? I'm interested in hearing both male and female perspectives on this. Thanks...
 

Kemetstry

going above and beyond
PREMIUM MEMBER
Feb 19, 2001
28,707
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Detroit
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Hi,

I recently confirmed that my girlfriend has been having an affair (physical and emotional) with a white former co-worker in retaliation for a one-night stand I had with a (black) woman. I had always suspected that my girlfriend had had an affair and confronted her about it late last year. She said that she slept with the co-worker once back in 2006 and regretted it, but that he kept contacting her by phone, email and IM and that she would respond because she liked the attention and because she felt badly about using him. She claims, however, that the relationship remained non-physical after the one time they slept together in 2006. They've been in contact as late as January, when she alerted him to the fact that I had found some of their email and IM exchanges. She claims that they haven't spoken since, but with each telling of the story, events and details change, so I don't know what to believe.

Now, a part of me wants to try and work things out, but another part of me is outraged by the fact that she slept with a white man to get back at me. I've always considered myself an open-minded person, but hearing that she had slept with a white man was hard for to take. I don't know if my reaction is racist or not, but I just can't get past the fact that he is white. While I understand how my earlier infidelity helped to create the situation for her affair, I still find it difficult to understand how my girlfriend could cheat on me with a white man. I have had several opportunities to sleep with white women and never have done so. I would have considered it the ultimate disrespect to cheat on my girlfriend with a white woman. So I don't understand how she could have done what she did, and there are days my emotions range from anger to hatred of her.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and can offer some advice on how to handle this situation? I'm interested in hearing both male and female perspectives on this. Thanks...


:bellydance:


1. Unfortunately, you committed the original sin

2. That means, you dont get to be outraged

3. Decide whether you will forgive and forget or dump her

It's that simple










:em0200:



 

jamesfrmphilly

going above and beyond
PREMIUM MEMBER
Jun 18, 2004
40,009
13,131
north philly ghetto
Occupation
retired computer geek
Hi,

I recently confirmed that my girlfriend has been having an affair (physical and emotional) with a white former co-worker in retaliation for a one-night stand I had with a (black) woman. I had always suspected that my girlfriend had had an affair and confronted her about it late last year. She said that she slept with the co-worker once back in 2006 and regretted it, but that he kept contacting her by phone, email and IM and that she would respond because she liked the attention and because she felt badly about using him. She claims, however, that the relationship remained non-physical after the one time they slept together in 2006. They've been in contact as late as January, when she alerted him to the fact that I had found some of their email and IM exchanges. She claims that they haven't spoken since, but with each telling of the story, events and details change, so I don't know what to believe.

Now, a part of me wants to try and work things out, but another part of me is outraged by the fact that she slept with a white man to get back at me. I've always considered myself an open-minded person, but hearing that she had slept with a white man was hard for to take. I don't know if my reaction is racist or not, but I just can't get past the fact that he is white. While I understand how my earlier infidelity helped to create the situation for her affair, I still find it difficult to understand how my girlfriend could cheat on me with a white man. I have had several opportunities to sleep with white women and never have done so. I would have considered it the ultimate disrespect to cheat on my girlfriend with a white woman. So I don't understand how she could have done what she did, and there are days my emotions range from anger to hatred of her.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and can offer some advice on how to handle this situation? I'm interested in hearing both male and female perspectives on this. Thanks...

find a new girlfriend.......
 

Destee

destee.com
STAFF
Jan 22, 2001
36,080
9,963
betwixt and between
destee.com
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TROLL FAIL.....:SuN049:

MA'AT


Brother Chinelo ... please stop calling Members out of their names, trolls, and such ... making them not feel welcome.

This Member has done nothing wrong. In fact, they did everything right.

They joined us, posted, and have never been disrespectful or broke a rule.

Please ... let's allow everyone to feel as welcome as you felt, upon joining us.

If you can help them, help them, if you can't or don't wanna, just ignore them.

Thank You.

:heart:

Destee
 

Ikoro

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
May 23, 2006
1,158
314
DANG BROTHER (assuming you are one... Chinelo look what you done din, I am distrusting him for no reason).

I think you need to re-evaluate your choice of partner. The one-night stand you did was a mistake, shame on you. But if you two had a talk and everything was worked, she was wrong for trying to get back at you. If she never accepted the apology, never said it was alright and never reconciled - you had this coming.

You can choose to stay and work it out, talk it thru etc. But please GAUGE the situation first. Are you both capable of talking it out now, is it too poisoned and hurtful to heal?

Specifically will you ever trust each other again?

A lot of this depends on you as a man, how you choose to handle IT and handle your SELF. If you are not in control of your emotions, you need to leave.

As much as I'm sucking my teeth over all this interracial dating these days, I think you should put your childish emotions to the side. Cheating with a white man was a conditioned response. What made your punk-behind cheat with ANOTHER black woman when you had one alread????! CHECK YO'SELF Brother and SHAME ON YOU. Then, ask yourself what led you to cheat? Underlying issues or just young boy mentality?

I feel your pain (the white boy thing), but what you did made her go crazy. It's not about the white bwoi, it's about YOU. So take the blame for that, these are the type of times we live in. If you choose to stay, it is YOU who must prove you can be trusted, you love her and you are committed. And she must simply apologize and do the same.

Are you able to do this, to work it out to have a life together?
 

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