Quiet Poetry Lounge : Fine

skuderjaymes

Contextualizer Synthesizer
MEMBER
Nov 2, 2009
8,781
5,853
theory to application to discussion to percussion
Occupation
independent thoughtist thinker, context linker
She says,
if she would’ve known then
what she knows now,
she never would have said “I do."

She turns to me.

I say,
I would’ve spent more time
with my Grandfather before he died
--him and Uncle Essie.

She says,
as tears well-up in her eyes,
that she’s leaving me.

And all I can think to say,
is "Fine."
 

4EVERLUV

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jun 2, 2006
1,915
53
Peace skuderjaymes:
This short one always seem to speak volumes.
I read it several times and I could see myself
having this conversation, except I would have
been the one saying "Fine". I could not help
but wonder did you really mean it when
you said it (that's if the piece is about you) or
was it said from the shock of her saying she's leaving.
Sometimes we say things and wish we can take them
back as soon as the words leave our lips.

I really enjoy your writing style, its very thought
provoking. Please keep sharing your art.


Much Luv & Peace,


~4EVER
 

skuderjaymes

Contextualizer Synthesizer
MEMBER
Nov 2, 2009
8,781
5,853
theory to application to discussion to percussion
Occupation
independent thoughtist thinker, context linker
Peace skuderjaymes:
This short one always seem to speak volumes.
I read it several times and I could see myself
having this conversation, except I would have
been the one saying "Fine". I could not help
but wonder did you really mean it when
you said it (that's if the piece is about you) or
was it said from the shock of her saying she's leaving.
Sometimes we say things and wish we can take them
back as soon as the words leave our lips.

I really enjoy your writing style, its very thought
provoking. Please keep sharing your art.


Much Luv & Peace,


~4EVER


thank you.. I really enjoy the short pieces too.. I'm always sort-of
surprised when I find the end of a piece so soon after the beginning.
on the "fine".. it's all open to interpretation.. I think he might mean, "I
don't give a sh** what you do".. or, it could be "yeah right"... I never
decided what he should mean.. I wanted that to be left to the reader..
I really built this whole thing around this idea of her looking back in time
and saying what she would've did.. and then him looking back and saying
what he would've did.. and how hers is about him, but his is about his
Grandfather and his Uncle. It's like, she sees him as her whole life,
but he sees her as just part of his life. but that could all be smoke.. like
you said, he could have just said that to step around the pain of her
words.. and she could've just said what she said to get his attention..
I don't know.. but thanks for asking.
 

baller

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jan 28, 2001
3,799
672
the near north
powerful

it's amazing how situations can stop us in our tracks...leave us speechless in their wake...and have us thinking 'bout what could have been said/done differently.

the river floweth.
 

queentswana

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jan 24, 2004
7,007
162
Brick City
Occupation
day care provider (own business)
I seem to love the short verses as well, they be so 'power-packed' and I love it.
Thanks for sharing a part of you with us brother, keep it flowing!!
 

Create an account or login to comment

You must be a member in order to leave a comment

Create account

Create an account on our community. It's easy!

Log in

Already have an account? Log in here.

Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
R Black Poetry : Walk in the hood for fame then talk a good game mind play tricks hasn't pulled a fine chick in years, have to get one quick “NAW PLAYER boys hound an Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 0
R Black Poetry : Saw a girl fine like Mariah Cary in the library and knock over a pile of books she smile and shook h Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 1
R Black Poetry : Saw a girl fine like Mariah Cary in the library and knock over a pile of books she smile and shook h Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 1
R Black Poetry : SHE SAID: fine got class and like an assigned task accomplish missions wet // got pride but set asid Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 3
Liberty Law Forum : Texas bill would fine men $100 each time they masturbate Law Forum - Prisons - Gun Ownership 3
R Black Poetry : HE SAID: wow am I the only one that can write like this? LOL Girl you attractive and fine with an a Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 1
KingSango Black People : Engineering the future of our Black Youth fine as Audi A7. Black People Open Forum 0
Keita Kenyatta Black Poetry : FINE 1952 Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 6
R Black Poetry : Girl you fine, legit and sincere mind if I sit here? Make no difference to me nothing appear To be m Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 2
R Black Poetry : “Boo you a fine Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 8
CosmicMessenger Audio Video Web Conferencing : Chris Brown - Fine China Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
R Black Poetry : Yes I rhyme the best of its kind see a girl with breasts fine Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 4
B Black Events : Harlem Fine Arts Show at Martha's Vineyard Black Events 2
S Black Spirituality Religion : The Collected April 12th posts of Fine Nineteen Fifty Two. Black Spirituality / Religion - General Discussion 8
Full Speed Audio Video Web Conferencing : Howard Johnson - So Fine Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
MsInterpret Audio Video Web Conferencing : destee.tv : mos def - brown sugar (fine) Audio Video Web Conferencing 0
PoeticManifesta Black Poetry : Forsaken: Read the fine print Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 3
B Black Picture Image Gallery : Any other fine artists here? Black Picture Image Gallery 28
Ankhur Black People : Bailout worked fine for the Rich, so why is the Foreclosure Aid Failing? Black People Open Forum 0
Ankhur Black People : You Wil Buy HMO service or PAYa FINE!!! Black People Open Forum 4
asimplepoet Black Poetry : Today doing fine would just be a line Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 3
I Black People : If you are not Fine, Nubian and/or Naked... Black People Open Forum 2
Metaverse Black Relationships : Making LOVE is fine...but how do we MAKE PEACE? Black Relationships 8
C Black Entertainment : Have u heard just fine yet? Black Entertainment 0
W Black Poetry : Fine, Young but Dumb...By Dúbb'l yoo T (Google it!) Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 2
1poetsought Black Poetry : Fine As Wine Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 1
Fine1952 Africa : Fine's African Centered Corrective/Selective Reading List All Things Africa 3
Isaiah Black Sports : BLACK COACHES IN THE NFL DOING A FINE JOB... Black Sports 29
D Black People : Droopy drawers/sagging pants = $50.00 fine Black People Open Forum 12
Isaiah Black Women : DESTEE, HAVE THE BROTHERS TOLD YOU HOW FINE YOU ARE??? Black Women 25
M Black Poetry : Dang Boo You Fine Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 11
D Black Short Stories : The DoMENno's Effect (A Play by Darnell Fine) Short Stories - Authors - Writing 1
M Black Poetry : Don’t throw blind darts at fine arts and wine could spark Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 7
M Black Poetry : I’m seeing sick, being with a chick is a fine situation Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 2
T Black Poetry : it'll all get greater later...(reply to Dream Weaver's "Everything is Fine") Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 3
D Black Poetry : Everything is fine Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 3
F Black Entertainment : Loon is so fine, he's on Toni Braxton's single "hit the freeway" Black Entertainment 0
N Black Poetry : Ode to my fine Black Kings Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 17
F Black Entertainment : Go To Www.djrogersjr.com--check This Fine Brother Out Black Entertainment 3
Heartbeat Black Poetry : A Fine-*** Man Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 6
Desert Storm Black Poetry : If You're Fine... Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On! 4
Similar threads









































Destee Chat

Latest profile posts

We are in a new era. Those facts give us evidence we can reach the Melanin Tipping Point just by telling the truth. The Melanin Tipping Point is the point at which we go from healing to healed. Mchakato wa Uponyaji is the process of healing. Melanin Is Worth More Than Gold. That fact puts us in a different state mentally. It affects different people differently. What is certain is the Ubuntu paradigm is returning.
Melanin is worth more than gold. The Red, Black and Green is 100 years old. The Afric, official currency of the United States of Africa is worth over $2.
Shems Nbedjer wrote on Moon Child's profile.
Hello Moon Child, it's been a few years since we talked. Please let me know if you can do my chart for me, thank you. I'm in transition and really could help with some interpretations.
Change the world for the better, take care of it, because you live in it!
If the present Kuzma saw the then Kuzma, he would say: Boy, grit your teeth. In twenty years everything will be wrong!
Top