Black Relationships : Dating and the dreadful curse


going above and beyond
Jun 18, 2004
north philly ghetto
retired computer geek
sex is fun, it is not important....

Edward Williams said:
My hormones are not separate from me.
did not say that they were. your hand is not separate from you. do you control it?

our sex organs are not separate from us. do we control them? do they control us? who is in charge, us or our hormones?

an animal is controlled by his hormones. a man controls his hormones.

anybody who rapes somebody has got they priorities seriously messed up.


Lyon King Admin.
Mar 21, 2001
Rape is a thin line surely most mental minded men and women control there hormones


Well-Known Member
Jan 11, 2008
eartH (Heart) is my home
child care provider
Sex ED 101

While I do not like to pass judgment on other people's opinions, I am going to do it this time and say that this post has some disturbing remarks that are fully misogynist. I will refrain from quoting any one in particular or pointing fingers but I will suggest that the awareness level on this subject matter could use some improvement, both for the safety of womben and also to keep the brothers out of jail!

Let us break this apart, this subject of rape and sexual assault. There is a legal component and a moral component. Because sex has been commodified and removed from a sacred place within our lives, the moral compass of Western culture is quite different amongst the diversity of people. Add to that the different religious influences, most of which are Patriarchal and religiously permit the act of rape (like some Islamic sects) and there's a lot of confusion and mis-education.

First, the common dating practices are unnatural. Many people actually believe that sex is a commodity that can be bought with the right amount of "exchange". Example, he buys dinner, opens the doors, supplies a nice bottle of wine and in return she gives....sexual favors / gratitude? Maybe not right away, but after three or four dates this man comes into the date expecting a return on his financial investment right? If she consents, then it's really only socially approved prostitution, and not sexual assualt. It is the presence of other elements during this date that constitute an unethical or criminal act.

Men, here's an idea... if you are looking to score for the night, don't get her loosened up with alcohol or drugs. The reason here is twofold, first because her ability to consent can be contested in a court of law due to her incapcitated state, and no your incapacitated state will not work in your favor, the courts don't work like that, so listen up.

You being in an autonomous state of reasoning is no defense to rape, it is however proof of her diminished capacity to give consent! Got that, good, think about this before you buy her that third or fourth cocktail and decide to roll a tree and "relax".

Secondly, if you have to put your partner in a state of reasoning where she would do something outside of the norm, then you damage the Spirit because you are no longer acting in truth, you are deceiving her mind to access her body and Spiritually you are guilty of sexual misconduct, and being really very pathetic. I don't care if she throws herself at you, if she's drunk, impaired or high, let it go... it's not worth justifying yourself before a court of law if she decides to have regrets in the morning.

Next, the concept of timing was brought up. Legally, any partner can stop a sexual act at any time. Like the couple are nude, ready to roll and she changes her mind. Well, now she's being called a tease or other undesirable label and he feels angered by the blue balls he feels coming on. Let's break this one down AGAIN.

Maybe she / he just saw a questionable bump or sore on the genital area that makes them go hmmmmm.... we need to revisit the sexual health portion of getting to know you.
Or what is he or she removes a protective barrier, the condom, or she confesses after you've entered her that she's not taking her birth control pills anymore? Are you trying to say that neither of you have the right to change your mind? That just doesn't make sense.

Ethically, if you really want to stay in good Grace, be aware of what's happening during the act. If her / his mood changes, she begins to cry, or withdraw then stop and find out what's happening. Your sexual needs are not more important than the person you are with, and I don't care if you've paid for it! Regain your huemanity and stop advocating bestial behavior.

Another scenario is if you begin intercourse and she is finding it painful; be a hueman being and STOP. Painful intercouse is a physical symptom of a few things: one could be uterine cancer, two could be an STD (which you will most likely get if you're with her) and three could be fear or PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). So, be a man, take a deep breath and a shower and show some love, rise up from your lower chakras and ascend to your Godhood.

Marriage, the institutionalization of love. Hmmmm.... well, here again we have a situation that creates physical gender roles and expectations. If you truly love someone, then be united with them, don't possess their bodies or other aspects thereof. You are not entitled to pleasure at the expense of another person's peace, and that works both ways! Why would a man who experiences verbal abuse want to make love to the person who tries to diminish his capacity as a hueman being? Can a womban make love to a man that lies or threatens her, or financially abandons her with the children?
Let's be real with each other and ourselves.

General research reveals that when womben feel emotionally distant, emotionally isolated or neglected their arousal decreases. Men don't seem to be wired this way, and may actually want to have sex to bridge the distance. Find your way with balance. Intimacy may have to be restored slowly and again Gracefully if something has happened if your lives. Surgery, children, infidelity, neglect, financial stress... sex is not a right it is an expression, a creative power a chemical and physiological process that unites people.

Iyanla Vanzant wrote one of the most profound insights on sex that I have read and it goes :

Sexual intercourse is an act of profound creation. It is the meshing and weaving together of the Mother/Father force of the Creator. Whatever we hold in our heart the Mother and our mind the Father, during the sexual act will be created in our lives. Sex in anger will create angry words and angry situations that must be resolved.... Sex in confusion creates chaos and more confusion about how and why we want sex. Unconscious sex, doing it just to be doing it, creates a violation in the subconscious mind. When we create children during misguided intercourse, the child brings to life the state of our being at the time of the act. We can heal and strengthn ourselves during our conscious sexual activity, but we must know what we are doing and why" Acts of Faith, 1993 p. July 28
Unless you were born unable to speak, then have the courage to make your intentions clear to your intended lover. "I want to ---- you, I want you to ----- me all night long, I need to feel you inside me, however you want to phrase it, just come right out and say it! If you get anything other than an enthusiastic YES, then back off and save both of you the pain of regret!
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