Amun-Ra : Dangerous Psychology When We Cheat!

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Kitana

u speak truth here but some can't help it!!
life has delt a hand of lustful notions and
so many of us humans feed into this style
yet the other partner stay in it coz of love
and devotion but cheating should be a crime!
becoz it only hurt othes who love's their mate
well one thing 4 sure this will play a role in life
til the world end.......
 

Amun-Ra

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So Tru

We often lose sight of the fact that there are always two parties involved--it seems that it has been the exclusive domain ofmn as far as acceptance is concerned--of course women do it and have done it for years, but it has been looked upon as a male thing--with a wink of the eye--but it ain't funny no more--Ra
 

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no laughing matter

sure u right female has roam and played da game long
ago as male did and sometyme i ask who started it all
where did this come from as i search for many answers
cheating has took storm in da world and roam freely
like a destructional mad vibe on da loose...it ain't funny
now as we watch love one fall by da waste side alone

like this thing wit M.J the jordans smashed in da eye
like never before and here stand a woman saying she
been wit him ova 8 months or so .....one happy home
gone to trash is a prime time show but who's laughing

it's a loosers game that i wish not to play never again
i was young unwised and foolished at some point
but truely i've learned the standard of life & love
and what cheating can do ......it's a rude awakening
to self destruction and hurt & pain in da end only shame
shine in minds ...it's not funny :eek:
 

Amun-Ra

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Integrity

Basically, it all boils down to integrity. When we make a promise or commitment--how good is our word? Men and women have built entire careers based solely on their word because they proven their integrity. They do the right thing even when it is not personally beneficial, but they do not risk their integrity. Cheating breaks integrity. It is the breaking of the promise that stigmatizes it. Once the promise is broken so is integrity. Words no longer count at that point.

Ra
 

alyce

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Piggy Backing On the word....

and it is important to live true to one's word. Our word is our bond and our actions should be in agreement with what we've said. Even the Bible teaches that it is better not to make a vow, than to make one in vain and break it.

You have written on this topic before, and I have your work, in a more extensive dissertation, in my files. Now that this has come to my attention once again in this forum (I'm cruising for mental nourishment...finding it, too!), I will be going through the studies you've provided me with on the subjects of Polygamy, Monogamy, Polyandry ... and their place in our world, vs. "cheating". Many people (especially men), don't like to use that word; perhaps preferring some other euphemistic label. But in my estimation, if something is being done undercover, where all parties are not aware, that's plain and simple cheating. We have to be able to call it like it is, no matter what side of the coin we may find ourselves on, be it the "cheater" or the "cheatee".

Michael Baisden, a brotha, wrote a book entitled "Never Satisfied: How and Why Men Cheat". I've read it and recommended it to everyone. It is from a survey of men AND women, and how many factors play into this thing called "cheating"...on many levels, i.e. engaged folks, boyfriend/girlfriend, live-in lovers... marrieds...etc. He received a lot of flack from brothas because it seemed he was giving up the brotha-hood secrets..selling the brothas out. But I believe the book is beneficial for people interested in learning some of the reasons why relationships get into stuck-modes, thus causing people to wander. Of course, there are those cases where some folks are just gonna be "out there", don't need no "reason". The author himself, is a recovering "cheater", and said the book was partly for healing himself. He has a daughter from a relationship that didn't work out; and he saw his former behavior as a detriment to positive role modeling and child rearing. What was his daughter learning from him, and her mother? I recommend people check it out and see what they think.

Ra, what you've brought here is very strong. Honor and integrity is what men and women should be about. No matter what the temptation or how alluring the attraction.

Now, with all the good words we've written... is just saying "no" all that's needed in order to stop the cheating heart? Can a person just do it on will power alone? Are there other, more intense, more spiritual, introspective things people need to do in order to "change" hurtful/harmful behaviors?

Come back Ra @ me, I know you will :)

Thank you
a
 

Amun-Ra

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Just the beginning . . .

Saying no is just the beginning. Once we make our minds not to do something, the opportunities to do what we have stood against will come again and again and with different rationales as to why we should change our minds, but it is all the same--either we have integrity or we don't. This is not to say that we will not slip and fall. Everyone slips and falls in some fashion whether it is just in our mind. As President Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart he was guilty of cheating on Roselyn to a lesser degree, but at least that was excusable because we can't always control what comes into our minds. BUT! We can control how long it stays there.

In my mind I have ravished too many and I am guilty because I made no attempt to put it out. I enjoyed it. Still, my integrity remains in tact until I take physical action, even though I know within myself that my integrity has been breached just a little. However, that internal breach harms no one and can even lead to stronger attraction to the ones we love, or, it can lead us to fall into the tender traps that lie in wait for all of us whenever we have that moment of weakness that inevitably calls on each of us. That is when we separate the men from the boys and the girls from the women. We can all stand tall when the temptation is small or undesireable, but when desireability combines with secrecy, suddenly our integrity may be in jeopardy.

To cut straight to the heart of the matter--it is about the promise. It is that simple. When we commit to one person we are in effect promising that he or she is the only person in our lives PERIOD! Not some time. Not every now and then, but always! Now we know that people stray and that is only human and sometimes it happens, but when we go into a relationship al ready prepared to step out of it when an opportunity presents itself then we have lied twice. We have lied to the person who accepted us at out word and we have lied to all the eyes that believed us.

Basically, integrity is having the willpower to always do the right thing. Not the things we want to do, but the right thing. The things we are supposed to do. I have lusted for Halle Barry since she hit the screen, but I am afraid that I would have to leave her alone because I would not want to inpune her or my integrity. I might waste a few minutes lsuting in my heart, but in the final analysis, I just have to walk away with strength.

It is easy to go from one to another as the grass is always greener and there is plenty of grass that needs to be mowed, but a real man or woman understands that their word is bond and when it comes down to it, our reputations are all we have that says anything about us. And for those who don't believe it, truly what goes in the dark willl come to light!

Ra

:heart:
 

alyce

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well said

and much appreciated. And so true, down to your last sentence.(sentiment found throughout the Scriptures, but I chose Luke 8: 16-18 for this discussion).

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.


What you are saying/teaching here is sound Christian-based doctrine, Ra. I mean no offense here, and you know this, but this is good and true information for all people who struggle with their lusts/passions. Practicing this kind of behavior (no matter what your religious persuasion) will ensure a good, enriched life. And for those of us who believe, it's one of the principles we must adhere to if we're striving for the Kingdom.

Thank you again my ever-thought-provoking-brotha!

a

ps ...and to quote a Pastor I heard one time, "as I speak, I am also listening"...
 

Amun-Ra

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Good sense is good sense

Even though I am on the other side of the coin when it comes to religion, I do not deny that in the hallmark books of all religions there is much wisdom that needs to be embraced and those who are wise do so. I know that infidelity is such a touchy subject that few can discuss it without becoming caught up in an either or situation. I would be the last to condone such behavior, but I would be the first to say that it happens and that not everyone who does it is worthy of our derision.

I could see myself in those shoes too easily for I am a weak man and I love women, just about all women. I fear that if I were tempted too regularly that I might slide off the hill. So, I can hardly throw rocks at someone who has all ready fallen unless it is repeated behavior. At some point it stops being a mistake or a moment of weakness and becomes willing deception.

This is a moment when the saying "hate the sin, not the sinner"comes into play because I see where it could be anyone. I am sure that Jesse Jackson was repentant and wished he had never done what he did, but it happened. Do we keep beating on Jesse, or do we acknowledge that such things happen and try to understand Jesse the man, instead of Jesse the preacher?

There is no way to make it right, but we gain nothing from beating on Jesse especially when we don't know if we will be next. I have lived long enough to know that it is unwise to say what you'll never do, because I have done most of those things that I said I would never do and I wonder if I am doomed to do the rest.

Hopefully not. My heart is with those who are hurt by this deceptive behavior, this breaking of faith, this willful destruction of trust. Men and women, we play a dangerous game when we cheat and the consequences can be long lasting.

Still, I want to be clear that I cast no stones here because my windows are of glass also.

Ra


:heart:
 

Kitana

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Ra

I think that before the word no is said, the person who is considering cheating on their spouse should ask themselves why they are cheating...why is it that the one they are with has to take a back seat while they go out and play...

if two people are mature, and they make a committment to one another, then part of that maturity should be to realise, that if there is a problem in the relationship and they find they would like to have a bit on the side, that they owe it to their partner to be honest and open and bring the problem to the table, sit down and discuss it, and see if it is something that can be repaired or if it's too late, and therefore they agree to go their separate ways..

the act of cheating is a big enough betrayal to a relationship, but to try and do it, while hoodwinking your partner and then pretending that everything is rosy at home, is an even bigger betrayal....

who knows exactly why women and men cheat on each other, the reasons are many and varied, but I think the bottom line here, from my point of view anyway, is as you said, integrity...caring, consideration, thoughfulness, towards someone you profess to love...if you fall out of love or have to play the field, at least do it with a semblance of decency...be man or woman enough, to treat your partner as a person, not as used goods that you no longer have use for...and take into consideration what you already have and weigh up wether or not it's worth losing for a bit of pleasure on the side....how many times do you hear,"it didn't mean anything" ....if it has no meaning, why do it?...

K
 

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Kem

i've seen dis way too many tymes
da older da less mature like been
a child again yet some do become
wiser...cheating is most def an act
of betrayal to the relationship many
can't go to da table trying too work it
out it only bring more madness within
coz one in denial of cheating....
 

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