Black Relationships : Black women: how do you feel when you see a Black man romantically involved with a non-Black woman?

Ictoan Itkfae

Well-Known Member
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Apr 26, 2014
116
35
Peace Sisters,

I was just curious about how my Sisters feel when they see this. I hope that you do not feel badly when you see it.:)

Thank you very much for all answers.

Peace.
Bro. Ictoan
 

Angela22

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MEMBER
Feb 26, 2013
6,737
3,113
It used to upset me, but not anymore. I mean, it has the potential to, if the black man and non-black woman are putting down black people, men or women. Or if they somehow think all I'm worried about is them being together, as if I don't have my own life to think about.

But for the most part, I don't care; it's not my choice to live their life.

However, if he's superfine...I might get upset then, if he's with ANY woman other than ME. :lol: Kidding, kidding.
 

Ictoan Itkfae

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Apr 26, 2014
116
35
It used to upset me, but not anymore. I mean, it has the potential to, if the black man and non-black woman are putting down black people, men or women. Or if they somehow think all I'm worried about is them being together, as if I don't have my own life to think about.

But for the most part, I don't care; it's not my choice to live their life.

However, if he's superfine...I might get upset then, if he's with ANY woman other than ME. :lol: Kidding, kidding.

Lol. Thank you so much my Sister for responding.

Can I ask, did something happen that made you stop getting upset when you saw it, or did it just suddenly stop upsetting you? If something happened, is it OK to ask what happened?:)

Peace & Love,
Bro. Ictoan
 

Angela22

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MEMBER
Feb 26, 2013
6,737
3,113
Lol. Thank you so much my Sister for responding.

Can I ask, did something happen that made you stop getting upset when you saw it, or did it just suddenly stop upsetting you? If something happened, is it OK to ask what happened?:)

Peace & Love,
Bro. Ictoan

Yes, it's okay to ask, and yes something happened. I sat down and analyzed why such a sight upset me.

I don't like being upset(do any?), so I wanted freedom from if it didn't have to be so.

I wondered if I were upset for jealousy, but recognized I didn't particularly want to myself all black men who were with non-black women. So, right off the bat, I understood I was being pretty unfair, to think, "I don't want you, but you shouldn't be with that woman who DOES want you."

I didn't know their life, and so maybe they'd been having a hard time picking up black women; that, too, helped me to understand that my being upset was pretty unreasonable. How can I judge what I just don't know?

Also, I started to see that much of me being upset was just connected to feeling subtle rejection. To me, it came across as, if by chance I did want that guy to be mine, he probably wouldn't have even given me a chance because I'm black and not whatever race he's currently dating. That hurt to think that because who likes being rejected as if they've nothing to offer because they're a certain skin tone?

Seeing that black women already have to deal with being told we're the least attractive and desirable of all women by so many people, it felt unfair that even a guy of my own race would reject me for someone who probably, or rather, likely doesn't have to deal with the same kind of problems for her skin color.

But I came to understand that they didn't reject ME; not personally, so that was irrational to go by. And for all I knew, they might not even like other women of that particular race, but just the one who was on their arm at the time. I didn't know, so why be upset for all these things?

It wasn't easy to come to this realization, but it was worth it, because I felt less judgmental for something that's not my choice, not under my control, and not my call.
 

Ictoan Itkfae

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Apr 26, 2014
116
35
Yes, it's okay to ask, and yes something happened. I sat down and analyzed why such a sight upset me.

I don't like being upset(do any?), so I wanted freedom from if it didn't have to be so.

I wondered if I were upset for jealousy, but recognized I didn't particularly want to myself all black men who were with non-black women. So, right off the bat, I understood I was being pretty unfair, to think, "I don't want you, but you shouldn't be with that woman who DOES want you."

I didn't know their life, and so maybe they'd been having a hard time picking up black women; that, too, helped me to understand that my being upset was pretty unreasonable. How can I judge what I just don't know?

Also, I started to see that much of me being upset was just connected to feeling subtle rejection. To me, it came across as, if by chance I did want that guy to be mine, he probably wouldn't have even given me a chance because I'm black and not whatever race he's currently dating. That hurt to think that because who likes being rejected as if they've nothing to offer because they're a certain skin tone?

Seeing that black women already have to deal with being told we're the least attractive and desirable of all women by so many people, it felt unfair that even a guy of my own race would reject me for someone who probably, or rather, likely doesn't have to deal with the same kind of problems for her skin color.

But I came to understand that they didn't reject ME; not personally, so that was irrational to go by. And for all I knew, they might not even like other women of that particular race, but just the one who was on their arm at the time. I didn't know, so why be upset for all these things?

It wasn't easy to come to this realization, but it was worth it, because I felt less judgmental for something that's not my choice, not under my control, and not my call.

Thanks Sis for sharing...seeing Black women with non-Black men didn't upset me until I made some politically motivated comments on a Black message board about Black women & White men. I was more motivated by a political affiliation at that time but after I made the comments, which all I can remember is they were against Black women and White men being together, I started to suddenly feel grief when I saw Black women & White men together.

I still feel grief when I see this but I wonder why I never felt that grief until after I made those comments. I might have some issue with my brain but I feel grief when I see it.

Anyway:), what do you think of this: "People should do whatever makes them happy as long as that is not violating someone else unjustly"?

Peace & Love,
Bro. Ictoan

PS: Black women, to me, are the most beautiful physically. I don't have that much interracial experience to say who is the most beautiful internally BUT I THINK THAT IT IS BLACK WOMEN.
 

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