Black Parenting : Black males, be men and be fathers to your children!

Destee

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Brother Pan ... haaaaaay ... :wave:

Brother Pan ... are you saying to even discuss, broach, the topic of the glaring failure of Black Fathers, means we're attempting to shame them into doing right ... and we should not do it?

First, i don't think Brother Black Squared is trying to shame them into doing the right thing. I don't think shaming them (even if one tried that), with a discussion about the great devastation they are causing to the Black Family, Black Children, and Black Community, will even move them. If their child growing up with all of the losses caused by their absence doesn't shame them to act, a discussion on a forum certainly won't do it. There are a multitude of great collective costs associated with Black Fathers not being present with their children, and absolutely none of that has shamed them into doing the right thing, but you think a discussion on a forum is going to do that?

If shaming them (as you call it) on a discussion forum, by talking about the reality of their actions, and how they impact the whole, would possibly move them to do better ... we should have done it years ago.

I think we all know that talking about the challenges our children, Families, and communities are currently experiencing must be done.

Yeah, it may be a bitter cup to drink from, but continuing to stick our heads in the sand ... never speaking on the atrocities we do to our own ... is negligent.

Brother Pan ... it's almost like you want to protect these Brothers from any shame, while they choose to do shameful things.

We have many threads here talking about Single Mothers, and i've never seen anyone come running to protect them from any possible shame associated with a discussion surrounding their bad behavior. While i've not counted, i bet there are a gazillion more threads talking about Black Mothers, than Black Fathers. There is a thread about 115 Young Black Ladies in a Chicago high school being pregnant. Now i've not read that thread, but i'd bet you a whole year of Premium Membership ... there is not one Brother in that thread, mentioning the fact that there are probably 115 Young Black Men that have also done the wrong thing. We can talk about Sisters bad behavior, but not Brothers? I hope i lose the bet, as it would show that progress is being made, Brothers willing to discuss and face their collective shortcomings ... but i doubt that's gonna happen.

I appreciate Brother Black Squared for starting this thread, broaching this topic, for it must be done. Not only must it be done, but it must be done by Black Men.

This will never change if Black Men who know better, and do better, continue to coddle and protect their peers ... never addressing the issue.

Brother Pan ... you ask, will shaming Brothers get them to do right?

And i ask ... what will get them to do right regarding the children they create?

The situation is so dire now, i'm willing to do anything that will work ... what will work ... anything ... i'll use it.

Always a pleasure to have you back in the house ... :love: ... Love You!

:heart:

Destee
 

blkbutterfly41

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Oct 25, 2009
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Yes I put an exclamation point on that because it's NOT an option or a choice. You made your choice when you laid down with that woman irresponsibly and made that child. Save the excuses, save defensiveness and DO it. Don't tell me your father wasn't there for you so you don't know what to do. If anything that's MORE of a reason for you to be there for your children. My father has always been a positive force in my life and is STILL With my mother and they love each other. Yes they argue but that's how relationships go, they don't run from each other and cop out. If you call yourself a man because you're over 21 and have children that you don't help raise (and I don't mean give money through child support) you're fooling yourself.

Sisters, if you have a brother that is the father to your child and he is trying to be there for them and trying to better himself in the process, don't deter this. Your children need him and he needs you whether you both acknowledge it or not.

This is your brother TELLING you to get it together. Our people need families and strong men to lead them. If this applies to you don't take it in a negative way, you are in no position to do so and it's meant to better us all so just make like Nike and Just Do it!
Dear brother, I pray that we stop looking at any one gender and look at the social behavior of BOTH equally.

In my humble opinion there is no gender without blame, shame , responsiblity and should be held accountible, especilly when it comes to our children.

So as your title reads: Black males , be men and be fathers to your children. Encourage black sisters to learn how to identfy Good black men and good fathers for their children before having unprotected sex.

The hope for change comes with knowing what we need in our partners and picking partners that can soulful meet those needs before children come in the picture.

That's not gender specific. All people of color need to value self, be self aware, know the difference between good love and just good sex. As good love last far longer then 15 minutes of pleasure.

Have a wonderful day

Peace

 

Destee

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How do you reconcile that statement with your thread: "Singlemotherhood, sometimes its the woman's choice"?
Brother Pan .... i'm sure Brother Black Squared can reconcile this for himself, but i have a thought on it too.

I think Black Men are simply much more inclined to find fault with Sisters, and put that on the table, rarely critiquing self and each other.

When Brother Black Squared was presented with an alternative approach, focusing on the Brothers behavior instead of Sisters ... he was willing to do it.

Most wouldn't dare even do it ... adjust themselves and focus their eyes on self (Black Men) ??!! ... nope, we don't have a lot of that here.

The thread about Sisters, you're not there concerned about any possible shame they might feel, but here you are to protect the Brothers from shame.

I can appreciate your desire to protect your Brothers, but not at the cost of the children, our families, and communities ... there should be a line drawn somewhere.

I'm encouraged by Brother Black Squared ... for most Brothers aint even going here ... critiquing each other, even though it's way over due.

It's much easier to critique a Sister (someone other than self), and it's the norm, which may explain why he started with us.

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
 

Kemetstry

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Feb 19, 2001
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Brother Pan ... haaaaaay ... :wave:

Brother Pan ... are you saying to even discuss, broach, the topic of the glaring failure of Black Fathers, means we're attempting to shame them into doing right ... and we should not do it?

First, i don't think Brother Black Squared is trying to shame them into doing the right thing. I don't think shaming them (even if one tried that), with a discussion about the great devastation they are causing to the Black Family, Black Children, and Black Community, will even move them. If their child growing up with all of the losses caused by their absence doesn't shame them to act, a discussion on a forum certainly won't do it. There are a multitude of great collective costs associated with Black Fathers not being present with their children, and absolutely none of that has shamed them into doing the right thing, but you think a discussion on a forum is going to do that?

If shaming them (as you call it) on a discussion forum, by talking about the reality of their actions, and how they impact the whole, would possibly move them to do better ... we should have done it years ago.

I think we all know that talking about the challenges our children, Families, and communities are currently experiencing must be done.

Yeah, it may be a bitter cup to drink from, but continuing to stick our heads in the sand ... never speaking on the atrocities we do to our own ... is negligent.

Brother Pan ... it's almost like you want to protect these Brothers from any shame, while they choose to do shameful things.

We have many threads here talking about Single Mothers, and i've never seen anyone come running to protect them from any possible shame associated with a discussion surrounding their bad behavior. While i've not counted, i bet there are a gazillion more threads talking about Black Mothers, than Black Fathers. There is a thread about 115 Young Black Ladies in a Chicago high school being pregnant. Now i've not read that thread, but i'd bet you a whole year of Premium Membership ... there is not one Brother in that thread, mentioning the fact that there are probably 115 Young Black Men that have also done the wrong thing. We can talk about Sisters bad behavior, but not Brothers? I hope i lose the bet, as it would show that progress is being made, Brothers willing to discuss and face their collective shortcomings ... but i doubt that's gonna happen.

I appreciate Brother Black Squared for starting this thread, broaching this topic, for it must be done. Not only must it be done, but it must be done by Black Men.

This will never change if Black Men who know better, and do better, continue to coddle and protect their peers ... never addressing the issue.

Brother Pan ... you ask, will shaming Brothers get them to do right?

And i ask ... what will get them to do right regarding the children they create?

The situation is so dire now, i'm willing to do anything that will work ... what will work ... anything ... i'll use it.

Always a pleasure to have you back in the house ... :love: ... Love You!

:heart:

Destee



1st, I take issue with you statment. There is no glaring failure of black fathers. There have been at least two studies proven that.

2nd, the posters comments are self serving. He's trying to have it both ways.

3rd, everyone knows, based on the movie 'Precious' that it's Moniques fault and only hi yella females can solve it. ( Yeah I went there )

4th, unles we are willing to deal with the facts head on and stop promoting these myths, nothing will change

But the Blackness Society in here will call that self hate





wha??? :10500:





:em0200:


 
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Destee

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1st, I take issue with you statment. There is no glaring failure of black fathers. There have been at least two studies proven that.

2nd, the posters comments are self serving. He's trying to have it both ways.

3rd, everyone knows, based on the movie 'Precious' that it's Moniques fault and only hi yella females can solve it. ( Yeah I went there )

4th, unles we are willing to deal with the facts head on and stop promoting these myths, nothing will change

But the Blackness Society in here will call that self hate

wha??? :10500:

:em0200:

Okay ... there's no glaring failure of Black Fathers ... and whatever problems there are, only hi yella women can solve 'em.

I can't argue with any of that.

Though it does appear you are finally realizing that women are superior to men ... if it takes a woman to fix the problem.

That's a great admission on your part ... finally, after all these years ... you're taking steps (albeit little ones) in the right direction.

I'm proud of you! :grouphug:

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee
 
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