Black Relationships : Allow Me to Ask it Differetly - For those who have cheated ...

legit-writer

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For those who have cheated, what drove you to do it, and do you feel justified, as if you had a good reason to do it?
 

baller

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people--men and women--will cheat whenever something is missing in the relationship. people will cheat when the relationship is out of whack, in some way, and they no longer feel it is worth saving--even if they're still there. and people will cheat when they feel some insecurities surrounding their mate.

in my first marriage, i cheated. although i feel that my reasons were justified, my wife didn't...and she couldn't get beyond my infidelity. later--we've remained very good friends and often talk about what happened to us--she willingly accepted her role in the downfall of our relationship...including why i cheated. but in the heat of the moment, she couldn't see it. NO...I WILL NOT LIST THOSE REASONS HERE.

women should realize something: when they try to use sex as a weapon...a means of controlling, or punishing, their husbands...they are only opening the door for someone else. yes, he's married and should be able to control himself...but even God recognized that the flesh is weak. God said that neither a husband, nor a wife, should be denying your spouse his/her marital due (sex)...because it opens him up to temptation. when you deny a man sex, then send him out into the lion's den--that unrighteous world, where hundreds of women are saying, "come on, baby, you can have some of this."--is like sending a starving man to a restaurant, with a million dollars in his pocket, but tell him that he cannot eat anything. HE'S GOING TO PARTAKE OF THE THINGS HE'S BEING DENIED. you--as his wife--may claim that he's the one who was wrong, because he cheated, but you were just as wrong because you put him in that position by making him succeptible to the weaknesses of the flesh.

YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND HE MAY NOT STRAY.
 

$$RICH$$

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Ive yet to do so , but the one's i know who have gave reasons likes of relationship has gone sour
he or she nolonger seem intrested and some say they are so insecured and blame me for it
anyway why not !
then you have some who will say i was pushed into it by the lack of love given
when people cheat you will hear many many reasons and then you have some
who just can't help it out of lust and curiosity and bad judgement.
but brother Baller much said it best....
 

legit-writer

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I've always learned that you can never control the outcome of anything and that includes a relationship, and that a person may be doing everything they are supposed to do and their partner still cheats on them.No offense but no matter what the reason is, cheating isn't justified. If you are unhappy or aren't getting what you want, just leave, not cheat on someone. Its an adult thing to do. And I see not many people are adult enough to take this approach. It's amazing how folks refer to biblical references to further justify their actions and wrongdoings. To me that's a lame excuse because one is responsible for their own actions. Stand on your own two feet and own what you did and stop pointing the finger at what someone "did" to "cause" you to cheat. No one can make you do anything. While many folks probably want to say "oh you don't understand", "it's more complicated than that" or the most common one of all "you won't understand until you're in the situation yourself", all excuses. Cheating is cheating and it's a cowardly way to exit a relationship.
 

baller

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it's so easy to say that something is cowardly...especially if you haven't been in certain situations. it's easy to say what's lame...if you haven't experienced hardships in a relationship. it's easy to say what you wouldn't do, when you haven't been in that situation--i.e. it's easy to condemn a person for stealing...if you've never been hungry enough, and didn't have money enough, and didn't have any other way to fill your stomach. and, yes, it's easy to say that you could just leave.

BUT IT'S NOT ALWAYS THAT EASY.

as a man, if you have three or four kids at home, barely making ends meet, with a wife who doesn't want to have sex with you, for whatever reason--and you know a twenty or thirty-something man will have his sex--you will cheat. you will cheat because you cannot afford to just leave. you cannot afford to support two households and survive. (USUALLY, the woman will end up with the kids...we all know that). like Johnny Taylor said, "it's cheaper to keep her."

For those who have cheated, what drove you to do it, and do you feel justified

i'm not discussing the right or wrong of it...although i could argue both sides. i'm just answering your question. are you trying to condemn me for those actions, instead of trying to understanding why things happen? as in relationships, we're more interesting in crucifying someone than trying to understand how we got in our current dilemma...thinking that "as long as i'm not doing wrong then i can blame him."

but GOD said that it's WRONG to deny your husband his marriage due...just as HE said that sex outside the marriage is WRONG.

THEY'RE BOTH WRONG.

so, in that situation, although the woman might claim that she's not doing anything wrong. in essence, she is. OF DENYING HER HUSBAND HIS MARRIAGE DUE...and of potentially stumbling her husband--subjecting him to the temptations of the flesh. YES...that's wrong.
 

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